Let's Play Pretend

Social media and validation from others are what most of us seek, I believe that makes life a game. We play the game of needing to be enough for someone to be valued.

There’s a tunnel but there’s no end 

It’s all just a game of pretend 

Feelings are all just a trend 

Everything is superficial, I wish it will all end 

I’m not real 

Everything is just about appeal 

“I’m okay” is just an escape 

Words that get said, just to cover up blood like cotton with tape 

There’s no trust 

People listen because they must 

This world isn’t real 

Maybe that’s why we can’t heal

Maybe that why this world is based off appeal 

Attraction by things that aren’t even real 

Using your body just to feel seen 

Looking in the mirror and you’re still not liking what you see?

We live off public validation, attention from what makes us feel 

What defines us is all apart of a deal 

Who we are, isn’t even real  

What we see, is all part of the deal

You’re so unhappy 

Things constantly feel crappy 

Everything will pile up if life to you is making others feel happy 

Life never has meaning 

You’re in a cycle of redeeming 

Redemption is on your mind 

Things just never seem to satisfy 

Why is it that you can’t replenish yourself 

You know people can’t love you, if you can’t love yourself

Why must these questions get ignored 

Why can’t you be yourself and be a reward 

You’re constantly pleasing 

I know you’re not happy, this is just teasing 

People will constantly leave you 

I know you wish they could stay and believe in you 

Let it go 

Things must flow 

The beauty in letting yourself be

Water yourself so you can feel free

You’re trapped in everything you’re expected to be 

Let me tell you, this isn’t how it’s meant to be 

Stop hiding pain

Ask for help even when you feel insane 

Stopping needing to be so vain 

Let it hurt 

There’s beauty in allowing yourself to accept the feelings that you’d wish to exert

Deal with it like it’s a trophy for being on this Earth 

The beauty in flaws is not a curse 

It’s self compassion

Forgive yourself like the person you love with a passion 

Loving is not easy 

In fact, it makes s**t so uneasy

Vulnerability isn’t a weakness 

Vulnerability is a uniqueness 

Being different is scary 

Many people tell you it’s not okay to be wary 

Validation by you is a must 

Validation by others is what is making it so hard to trust 

Life isn’t real because you create it 

Live life the way you want to make it 

Reviews

[JayG]

You’re doing several things that are problematic, and getting in the way.

The first is that rhymed couplets have the inherent risk that they’ll give a “rocking horse” feel, in part because they’re simplistic. There’s not a lot of skill needed to rhyme scary and wary.

Added to that, if you are going to white structured poetry, there’s a LOT that comes with it that needs to be taken into account because the reader expects a constant and predictable structure, your taking prosody onto account, etc.

The second is that you must never, never, never bend the line to the needs of the rhyme, because rhyming isn’t the purpose of the poem. The rhyme is an accent, the “tink” of a cymbal, not the thud of the drum. And in this, you clearly, place theneeds of the rhyme first. A line like, “We live off public validation, attention from what makes us feel,” can best be described as “Yoda Speak,” in honor of that character from the Star Wars films, and how he spoke. A convoluted line like that can get a reader shaking their head as they turn away.

But…nothing I said above relates to your talent for writing poetry, since it’s easily fixable. There’s a LOT more to writing poetry that there appears to be. Remember, it’s been under development of centuries. And surely some of it’s worth knowing—especially as those who read poetry are used to seeing those techniques in use in what they read.

For a great, and gentle, introduction to the basics, take a look at the excerpt to Stephen Fry’s, brilliant, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon. In addition to being a famous comedian, Mr Fry is an excellent writer, and has the knack of explaining complex subjects in a way that makes the reader say, “But that’s so… Damn, why didn’t I see something that obvious, myself?”

Then, after you've been properly wowed by Fry’s insight, take a look at Stephen Service’s, The Cremation of Sam McGee, on Shmoop to see how placing the things Fry talked about into operation can hook the reader, and, make them become a performer, enhancing their own enjoyment via that performance.

The poem is over 100 years old, and still has the power to pull in the reader, and bring a smile at the ending. It also made a lot of money for Mr. Service, and keeps his name famous today.

And after you read it, keep turning pages through the analysis of the lines, and, the poem, itself. It’s a great demonstration of what you can do after you master a few of those techniques.

So…I know you were hoping for something less painful when you posted your work, but since we can’t fix the problem we don’t see as being one, I thought you’d want to know.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

[Richard🖌]

A stellar review, Mr. Greenstein💫

I rarely read others' reviews or comments, but the length of yours caught my attention, and I'm glad it did.
If this doesn't hit home with Crystal, pushing the correct buttons, I cannot imagine what will … I really hope it does, because I see some nice potential in her work.

A review I wish I'd penned,
Bowing! ⁓ Richard