I don't know

This poem was written in 2017 when I was going through a confusing stage in my relationship where felt constantly on edge and couldn't do anything about it because he wasn't even my boyfriend yet.

I know and don't know what is wrong with me 

Am I dramatic or do I really have reasons to be

I think, overthink, the overthought

Nothing ever seems to process, it feels like a lot

Knowing the pain, knowing the struggle

I know others have had more to juggle

I only know what I've experienced 

I know there's more out there, I'm not delirious 

I know what it is to be loved

I know the man up above

What is loving others without loving yourself

That's impossible, don't kid yourself

Care for you, before you care for him

I don't know how to do that because with him nothing ever goes dim

I get lost 

I question 

Who am I underneath all this depression?

I'm problematic 

I can't deal with myself, I'm so dramatic

My problems seem to never end

I try to hide them just so I can blend

Convinced I can do it alone

I don't need anyone, I believe I'm so grown

Vulnerability to you by your touch

I realized I have, not much

Just my crushed soul

Left with only holes

Holes no one can fill

I will never be fulfilled 

I'm damaged, so broken

These words will always be spoken 

Help me

Help me love myself

I'm alone, I'm the last book on top of a shelf

God, I need you

Put me together

I don't want to be like this forever.

Reviews

[keith]

'I'm alone, I'm the last book on top of a shelf'

never said better

[lessa (kenzie)]

Help me

Help me love myself
I'm alone, I'm the last book on top of a shelf
God, I need you
Put me together
I don't want to be like this forever.

I can feel these lines so much, I like your writes they speak in volume. Nicely expressed

[Richard🖌]

Dancing throughout … your desperate poetic voice ⁓

I feel deeply intimate, pressing and un-satiated physical, emotional and romantic needs, with a fervent nudge from unfulfilled dreams, fantasies, and wishes.
But, ohhh, Crystal, how brilliantly poignant your hopefully pleading heart opens to let your thoughts and feeling pour forth upon the page, and how palpably therapeutic it must have felt to get it out and said, to deal with it all so bravely and honestly.
Makes one wonder, though, if Alfred Lord Tennyson had it right when he said, “It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.”
I suppose one will never know the answer to that until they've truly gotten over one love, and desperately craved, yearned and hungered for another … I know I have.😏

With a smattering of formatting, Dear Lady-Poet, this could be made a virtual masterpiece.
I really enjoy how you share … thankful hugs! ⁓ Richard🍃