Letter to Daddy on His 60th Birthday

I lost my Daddy to Colon Cancer in April of 2001. This is long overdue.

February 7, 2008

 

Dear Daddy,

 

I just realized that today is your birthday.  Every year I know it is coming and yet it catches me off guard.  I forget about it for a while.  About half way through my day…BAM!...it hits me SO hard. 

 

Almost seven years and I still can’t get my mind to accept that I’ll never see you again.  It just doesn’t seem possible.  More than not talking to you, it’s not touching you.  Not ever feeling so completely safe as I did when I was snuggled in your big bear hug. 

 

I remember one of the last times I had one of those.  We were standing out in your driveway and it was cold.  It was early spring so it was the damp cold.  The kind that seeps in your bones.  You came over and wrapped your arms me.  And I was instantly warm.  Not just my skin but my soul.  I felt loved, content and happy.  Most days in this crazy life don’t feel that way.  I want to thank you for that.  For making me feel your love. 

 

I know your childhood wasn’t the easiest.  You could’ve easily passed down that same level of dysfunction or worse.  But you didn’t.  You weren’t a perfect parent.  There is no such thing.  I wasn’t a perfect daughter, either.  But I do feel that you did your best.  That’s all we can be expected to do. 

 

There have been times when I’ve been so angry at you that I was almost consumed by it.  Slowly, I’ve been able to work on forgiving your mistakes.  I’ve done a lot of work on myself as well. 

 

Michael asked me about my Daddy the other night.  After thinking about how to answer all three sets of big blue eyes in a simple manner, I realized that it’s exactly that…simple.  The simple truth is that I love you.  I miss you.  And I selfishly wish that you were still here.

 

Happy 60^th Birthday!

 

With all my love,

Crystal Lynn

 

Reviews

[Just Manoosh]

Oh honey, please try not to be too blue, you have to remember how lucky you were to have him ..... I love this letter because the way it is written shows the child inside the adult, I mean do we really ever grow up? I think you should hand write this piece and go and put it on his grave, and if you cant, erite it anyway and perhaps just bury it or put it in the sea. Hugs. Mx

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

Crystal this sure is heartfelt.. of course you miss him and i miss mine and wish he were here.
This made me miss my dad too.
This is a beautiful letter for him.

Chloe
xoxo

[George Love]

You expressed your love to him so well in this letter. Excellent work here. I agree with Manoosh. Send it to him now. I'd suggest the old ways, hand-written, sealed and sent. Maybe buried, maybe at the site of his grave, or maybe burned (safely over an outdoor grill) This was wonderfully done!

[Tony Murray]

Thank you for sharing this. I recently lost my mother a few months ago and since then I have yet to be able to put into words how I feel. To see that you are capable gives me hope that I may one day be able to express in some form what it is that dwells inside me. Until then the malestrom tears me from within. When I do finally let it out I hope only to be able to present it so eloquently and so sweetly as you have here. I saw my mother only two days before she died. She stopped by my work and I gave her some free pizza. If someone would have told me that this would be the last moment I were allowed to spend with my mother I would have ran to her and held her tightly because my there is an emptiness in my soul where her existence used to be. I too selfishly wish I could have her back so I can relate to how you feel.

[Carole]

What a wonderful letter and tribute to your Father on his 60th birthday. God has a way of using stuff like this to bring healing to our hearts. There's nothing like a Daddy's hug and there never will be. That safety you felt in his arms is the same safety our world cries out for, given our fatherless society. The fact that you had that security is a blessing in itself. (My Grandma also died from colon cancer...and my dad from lung cancer...)
I am sure your dad would have been very touched by your letter, Crystal. I am glad the writer's block has lifted, hon. Have a great day. It's good to see you writing again. :-)