betrayal

who knew kindness could hurt so much

I slowly hobble outside, Jake leans down and picks me up and I lean my head on his soft masculine shoulder. I feel the sun warm me instantly as it wraps me in its warm embrace. His tender calloused hand cradles my small paw in his. Looking up to my right I see the boy I love and trust smile down at me and say, “Come on Lucy, let’s go for a walk at the park.” Smiling back at him, I snuggle into him as he walks to his car the look a love sick puppy clear in my face. Jake puts me down and opens the door to his sleek blood red car, stands to the side as he waits for me to jump in and softly closes it as I get comfortable in the passenger seat. The pride I feel at his care had me shivering with delight. Unknowingly, my pure innocence, ignorance and naivety were taking me on a journey that would create a defining moment in my life, my final moment.

Looking out the window, I watch as we drive past the park, I glance across at Jake and see the guilt in his eyes. Jake holds my gaze with sadness and remorse written throughout his face. His deep emerald green eyes look down at me, piercing my soul like the blade to Juliet’s heart. Shaking his head, he says, “I’m so sorry Lucy.” His voice on replay, repeats his declaration of guilt, his voice quivering with emotion.

Sitting in confusion, I look back out the window at the hills. I watch them fly by while the one lone tear that betrays me slides down my face, leaving a trail of warmth and broken trust. While the hills slowly disappear into the distance, I realise what his declaration means. His pain-ridden voice no longer registers to me as I slowly let the inevitable approach. No longer looking at the blurry hills pass by I see the cityscape appear, telling me my time is slowly coming to its end.

Looking up at the sign, I feel the sinking feeling in my gut go deeper and deeper. Not even the beautiful blooming pink cherry blossoms on either side of the bleak sterile building can bring happiness. My legs are no longer under my control and give way under me, causing me to land with a thud on the ground.  Jake picks me up, cradling me in his arms like I’m a fragile vase.

As he holds me I glance into his eyes and all I can see are the years of shared moments we had together; my head laying on his lap as we watch sunsets, the late night shows, hot stuffy car rides, and leisurely walks along the beach. The confusion is gone and in its place I see understanding and acceptance. My stomach churns and my heart races and aches all at once. I see the pain in Jake’s eyes; it leaves me with no other choice. I have to let him go.

I reach up with my paw to touch my best friend knowing this will be the last moment we will share before we part. I hope he understands that I accept his decision and know he is doing it out of love for me.

Jake and I head to the entrance with me wrapped up in his arms. He opens the door but stiffens at the sight of the vet coming out to collect me. His jaw tightens and he clasps me tightly for an instant. I sense his doubt so I lay still in his embrace, enjoying our last goodbye before I am taken from the warmth of his arms. As I watch him walk slowly behind us as we all head towards the last room I will be in, a whimper escapes between my lips.

Laying on the cold sterile work bench I feel the coldness seep into my fur, looking up at Jake I see him reach out and hold my paw in his hand as if to offer me what little comfort he could, Jake looks down at me and I hear him whisper “Lucy..” I feel a slight pain in my body as I watch Jake; tears slowly start falling down his checks as I start to notice everything around me going blurry, I faintly hear Jake whisper “Goodbye.”