life

Life hasn’t been kind to me in my 17 yrs of life, and yes I know 17 isn’t a lot but to me it’s been my whole life so far.

I’ve fucked up, I’ve been fucked over. I’ve cried and I’ve smiled, I love and I hate, that’s life, you can’t change it. I don’t want to change it because it’s gotten me to where I am today and its lead me to be the woman I am today, I like girls and I like boys, I repeat and I repeat, and you know what so does life, it repeats itself time after time until you learn what it’s been trying to say for years, then it repeats it some more until its certain you’ve learned your lesson then repeats the cycle on something else it finds.

 

I’m a 17 year old female, I am the youngest of 5 children, I like boys and girls, I’ve been through things you probably wouldn’t want to go through, I’ve tried killing myself and funny enough I failed at something which made me a better person today, I love a girl who I’ve hurt and who’s hurt me, life hurts, people hurt you, even animals can. I love turtles, I love tattoos, piercing, soft toys, pillows and I love myself, not in a vain sense but in I love myself for who I am, and I hope you do too.

 

I love music and dancing, I love singing to myself and talking to myself, I love lying in the sun watching the clouds go by at lunch while I listen to my friends chat away like they haven't seen each other in years when really it’s only been 2 hours. I miss my dog; I miss her hugs, her fur and her little eyebrows. I miss being a naive little girl running around in her brother’s hand-me-down t-shirts. I miss sleeping with her in my arms while I think how much I love her and the smell of strawberries I get every time she’s near. I miss being able to cuddle with anyone and not being judge on how inappropriate it is. I just miss being me with no care in the world.

 

I was 15 when I figured out the hard way that people will take what they want from you and not care how it will affect you, 7 when I figured out I liked girls when the girl next door pulled me into the closet and kissed me. I was 14 when I accepted who I was and 16 when I came out to most of my friends and family, I’m 17 and I’m still afraid of being unloved because of who I am as a person. I was 16 when I fell in love for the very first time, 17 when my first love broke my heart and broke me. I’m 18 in 194 days and this is my last year at school, I am afraid to finish school.