An Unfinished Rhyme

a cooperative work with fellow writerscafe member lisasview - original idea came from a stanza in a lisasview poem.

An Unfinished Rhyme:

 

Glory... to the unfinished rhyme;

let it wait among the lines,

vying for its turn.

 

As a maladjusted noir

struggled here before

till it is cleanly spun-

the unfinished rhyme

 

Pressing close to a misleading metaphor

the rhyme is at a loss for words.

 

Past rhymest bantered

still it lies unanswered

for needed solution-

the unfinished rhyme

 

Leaning again against the imperfect rhyme,

an unfinished rhyme takes its time.

 

Struggling to an end

incomplete nature bends

the unfinished rhyme-

now satisfaction sublime

 

Finally at last!! The rhyme says its piece

and, is happy with final release.

Author's Note

a cooperative work with fellow writerscafe member lisasview - original idea came from a stanza in a lisasview poem.

Reviews

[Kelly Scheppers]

I think most people interpret a rhyme as being an easy process of writing, when actually, it's quite the opposite. The voice you've given this on a collaborative effort makes it all the more inviting to read. I enjoyed it, and found the repetition of its title a most expertise touch. Nice to meet you, Carl!

[carl]

thank you for the read and review, kind words are a great encouragement. Not necessarily evident in my part of this piece, but I am currently trying to learn a variety of rhyme methods in particular with middle vowel sounds ( more & born / deal & deep ) and stay away or limit the more common ( boy & toy / sure and cure) It is making the writing more labor but more enjoyable, again - thanks -carl

[Akinlolu]

First of all, the title of this piece is a magnet,. drawing and pulling even the most bored spectator. For that, you and Lisa did a wonderful job
In addition, your verse is so metaphorically alive that I find myself straining and struggling with that rhyme just to say its piece and find an happy release.
Writing a poem isn't always fun but the reward is in a satisfactory conclusion. A job well done.
Akinlolu

[carl]

thank you, sir, for the read and review - it was an enjoyable romp and Lisa was an inspiration with whom to work.

[Chris Shaw]

Well done carl and Lisa on this collaboration. Great first stanza to draw the readers in. I used to write all my poems in rhyme once upon a time (ha that rhymes well doesn’t it). It is actually quite a hard task. Doesn’t come easy. I have to say that free verse is far more forgiving. All the best.

Chris

[carl]

it was fun and profitable as a learning experience. I have been trying to move towards less obvious rhyming working with middle word vowels and such - I agree with the free verse comment and have tried to use that in connection with alliteration to hold things together. Thanks for the read and review take care and be safe -carl

[Chris Shaw]

Thank you Carl. You too:)

[Lorry]

I really like the phrase "the unfinished rhyme"
I have contemplated it before and feel an almost compulsion to force the last line as far away from rhyming as possible, but I think it works better, in an intentionally broken way of your last line of the first few verses. It works almost like a period that trips you up instead of just stopping.
I like this a lot. It is very well done.

[carl]

thank you for the read and review and the comments on structure, very helpful to my journey in poetry. take care - carl

[Ken e Bujold]

grand bit of writing here. congrats to both you and lisa

[carl]

thank you, Ken, for the read and review much appreciated.

[Pete]

whew, all good things in due time - thought it would never get here. well said with masterful skill as i watchfully lean on my windowsill ... :)

[carl]

thanks for the read and review, careful with that lean don't take it to far, lol - carl

[Pete]

my pleasure. anyone who can rhyme is a friend of mine ... :)

[willweb]

My friend, I had no idea this was a collaboration when I read it earlier today on Lisa's page. This makes it extra special and more than wonderful Bravo to both of you.

[carl]

thanks for the read and review, it was a fun and instructive venture.

[FGFRANKLIN]

"I've been so many places in my life and time
I've sung a lot of songs, I've made some bad rhymes
I've acted out my life in stages
With ten thousand people watching
But we're alone now, I'm just singing this song for you." Leon Russell from A Song for You

I'd rather have a poem without rhyme as opposed to a poem with bad rhyme. But Robert Frost said he threw away over half of his own work. The man who chose the "Road Not Taken" also chose discretion as the better part of poetic valor. I enjoyed reading The Unfinished Rhyme. Nicely done, F.

[carl]

Appreciate the read and review, big fan of Leon and also in the learning stages concerning when to and how to rhyme. latest interest is in the various locations within a word where rhyme can exist other than at the end. thanks for the encouragement - carl

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

A beautiful write
Loved this

[carl]

Thanks for your read and review much appreciated

[Chris]

In my time here at WC, I too have collaborated with a number of others (existing still, and many that don't). This piece displays thought, perception, and and the unique abilities of two poets to combine their efforts into a coherent work. My thanks and applause to you both.

[carl]

Thanks for your read and review, it was a fun, rewarding, and a learning experience. a lot of shared conversations with each other to get to where we got. lol