Until

The examination of soul mates.

You flood my mind with an unescapable calling

Familiar yet unknown, it rings in my heart with a magical chime

I'm captured, floating in a haze of wonder

Your face eludes me

Your mind invades my soul

A connection in spirit carried forward from lives, many past

Collapsing under the weight of our divide

Falling into the secure and mundane with only the night for reverie

Tormenting life crushes my hope and now walks by my side

Filling your space

 

Until...

 

Our cosmic bond finally culminates in a thundering bravado

My mind now at peace in the harmony of your laugh

My flesh tearing through the cocoon

Blooming into the supple flower it so desperately wants to brandish

My dreams finally reality, flowing through the river of time carrying me on a pedestal of poignant notions,

 

Until...

 

We pass into our next continuation

Reborn in the flesh of another

Awaiting the glorious interlude once again

Growing with a yearning for the missing half

Pleas of a shortened absence sent into the unending depths of space

Curious, eager for the new journey waiting ahead

Left in the vacant masses to find you and begin again,

 

Until...

Reviews

[The Perfectionist]

This poem screams of trying too hard. There's emotion and power here, to be sure, but it's like it's so eager to show us that that it misses the point. Most people probably won't catch that, though, so I wouldn't worry.

What I would worry about is your structure. I don't know if you split it up like that to be distinct, or to make a point, but to be blunt, it's ugly. There's way too much white space for that little writing. Especially when you're actually using full sentences. Believe it or not, the way you present your work is very important, almost as important as what you say.

Tighten it up into paragraphs (or better still, proper poetic lines) and don't worry so much about establishing distinction in form. If your poem is good - and it is - it'll do that all by itself.

Edit: That's much better

[miSS LEaf]

omG, that is just so passionately elegant and wonderful piece of art!
thank you for submitting this on Bored Writers forum, hope to read more from you :)

~L~