Acrobatics

I'm constantly torn
between crying
and smiling.
Part of me
just wants to give up
and break down,
but the other half
says not to go through
the trial of why I feel this way.
Why do I feel this way?
Because of this
and that
and what not.
Because of you?
Conceited.
But honestly,
yes.
It's your fault.
For once,
the blame isn't mine,
but with enough research
and enough caring,
you'll see that
it was really me
who let it all fall apart.
I didn't mean to,
break it all.
You were the only thing
that made me smile
at the end of they day.
Why did I move on?
That's the trick,
I haven't.
You're still the one,
biting your lip
in the back of my mind.
My stomach does flips
when your name is said.
To not see your face,
I'd rather be blind,
but all in all,
I'm already dead.