The Night Philomena Died

a little something i wrote for school last year. it's nothing much, really, but it makes me smile.

        Philomena Lachrymose died of heart failure. Or at least, that was the official story from the doctor. Others believed she died of fright, from a shock so sudden and so strong it made her poor heart stop completely. I, of course, know the truth. How? Well, naturally. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to tell you without a full introduction first.
       Miss Philomena Lachrymose was what most people called a sweet old maid, a kindly spinster who lived alone in an old, old house. The children of the little town she lived in enjoyed her company, though they never liked going near her house, which they claimed was haunted. And they had every reason to believe so. The house was old and large, built in the 1830s, which in itself reason enough for a child to believe it haunted, but there was something more than merely the aesthetic. There was something slightly sinister about the house, something derived from its close situation to the town graveyard.
       Ten-year-old little Matthew Hayden supposed he knew why the house was haunted. His mother sent him off to Miss Lachymose’s house one autumn evening for a cup of sugar, and as he waited in her creaky old entrance hall for the woman to fetch the requested ingredient from her pantry, he supposed he saw a lanky man with a complexion similar to milk out of the corner of his eye, lounging with a book and a glass of blood-red wine in the parlor. Or was it wine?
       “It’s a vampire house!” he hissed to his friends the next day. “Miss Philomena has vampires in her house!” But no could believe such evil of sweet Miss Philomena, and thus they ridiculed the poor loudmouthed fool. But it was a clever guess, all the same. You see, dear confidante, Miss Philomena had no idea that vampires actually inhabited her property in reality. Granted the fact she would have dreams every night of white, emaciated figures strolling from the cemetery and into her old parlor when the moon shone bright, but she had no idea that those pale, dignified figures were actually real and not just figments of her imagination.
        Ah, but I’m getting ahead of myself now. Let me continue along the natural path of how things occurred the night Philomena died.
        The full moon shone softly and the birds were silent on that night. It was actually quite unfortunate how the entire event came into play, an unfortunate accident for which no soul can be blamed.
        You see, Miss Philomena did not die from heart failure, nor did she die from fright. She died from a perfectly natural, explainable, and excusable cause. Anyone who understood the true circumstances of her death would surely sympathize with my situation in the Philomena Lachrymose affair. The cause of her death had no malicious affiliation at all.

 

     After all, I was only hungry.
 

Author's Note

be gracious; wrote this a year ago. i like to think i have improved much since then, so stay tuned...

Reviews

[Ashley Campbell]

Oh this was good. I just happened to be clicking on random writers and saw this piece. This was REALLY interesting to read and even more amusing. I love the way the whole thing goes, it sort of makes it sound like the narrator of the piece is a detective or a close friend of the old woman. This is, by far, one of the most genius short stories I've EVER read. The last line is the best, you think that she somehow fell or something like that but instead you get: "After all, I was only hungry."

I really enjoyed reading this and the vibe I get from it says you enjoyed writing it probably more. Keep up the great work.

~
Silver Wolf

[Michael Raymond Robinso..]

Beautifully done I say, well written. You drew me into the tale with the very first sentence. It was a simple line, but still, it got me interested. The tale was no longer than it needed to be. This one is going into my favs.
Thanks for sharing, & waiting impatiently for more

I loved this! I loved the twist at the end and how no one believed Matt! Great story!

[melancholia skies]

Woah, vampirism?
That's something I haven't read in awhile.
Goodjob, you made the end very catchy.
Superb!

[melancholia skies]

Woah, vampirism?
That's something I haven't read in awhile.
Goodjob, you made the end very catchy.
Superb!