Bitter

Mauve mourns the loss of what could have been. || Look at A/N for CWs and Info

“And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one

'Cause most of us are bitter over someone

Setting fire to our insides for fun

To distract our hearts from ever missing them

But I'm forever missing him”

~“Youth” by Daughtry

Mauve didn’t know what to do. What is there to do when someone waltzes into your mundanely quiet life, turns everything upside down in the best sense of the phrase and then...leaves. 

No explanation. 

No goodbye. 

The only trace of their existence being a simple two-word note scrawled messily onto ripped paper placed atop a suddenly barren bed in which a person had been sleeping soundly the night before, giving no hints of their final decision of departure.

“I’m sorry”

Not even a signature graced the edges. All it held was the ghosts of pure memories filled with sweet smiles, warm suns, muffled laughter, and bright stars along with freshly fallen tears filled with sadness and loss of hope and featured crumpled corners from too-tight grips. The joy of recalling what had been was swiftly replaced by a bitter taste and pain so violent it felt as if her heart had been physically ripped out of her chest. Except, not at all. Mauve couldn’t help but think that opening her chest and breaking her ribs and snipping each muscle and vein that connected her heart to the rest of her with no way of numbing the pain would hurt far less than this heartbreak did. 

What is there to do when the first person you had ever liked, the first person you wanted to fall in love with, the first person who made you feel as if the stars were brighter and the sun warmer and the grass greener and the air cleaner...the first person who taught you what could be, was also the one who had thrown away your heart with their departure. Mauve wanted her heart to heal, she wanted to be released from these feelings that chained her to her bed and drew out tear after tear no matter how much she fought it. 

But, how can you heal your own heart when someone else has it?

But at the same time, the idea of closure terrified Mauve. She didn’t know if knowing or not knowing was worse. She couldn’t decide if it was better to guess what she did wrong to chase them away, or to be told exactly where she had failed. She couldn’t figure out if she wanted to know everything that made her inadequate, and boring, and just not good enough. Mauve felt ridiculous at the thoughts she was having. She was jealous of the sun that continued to see them every morning, and the stars that lit their way every night, and the rain that grazed their skin in the most pure way possible. How can you not feel ridiculous while being envious of the inanimate. 

The truth was, Mauve was scared. Scared of her feelings. Scared of herself. Scared of the fact she hoped they would fail and come back and stay. But Mauve knew in her heart that wasn’t what she wanted. She would give up every lingering glance, every tentative time their fingertips brushed while walking, every clumsy kiss, every shared laugh, every shared smile, just to know Alden was happy, and safe, and had completed what they sought to do. 

She could only naively hope that maybe she could be included in Alden’s future.

Author's Note

CWs: none
Characters: Mauve; Alden (mentioned)
Vers.: Canon Compliant alternative P.O.V.
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Again, this is not beta'd nor is it an actual "story" in the literal sense of the word in that it has a rising action and climax.