Chapter Four

        “Hey, Rae. Wake up. We are at your place now. Rae?” Erik shakes my shoulders and calls my name. I just fall asleep.

        I open my eyes, looking at him with confusion, then I smile. “We are at home? Oh, thank you, Erik.”

        “No problem,” he says, grinning, “have a good night.”

        “You, too.” I say, opening the car door and heading inside my house.

        It is already eleven fifty-five. Usually, my mother and I sleep at nine thirty or ten, so it is kind of late now. My mother is already asleep. She lies on the couch; the television is still on, a half-eaten chocolate cake on the table, which is set in front of the couch. I drop the keys on the table, trying so hard to walk as silently as I can. But my mother is so sensitive that she wakes up the same time.

        “Rae, sweetheart?”

        “Sorry for waking you up, Mom.” I whisper, kneeing down so we are in the face-to-face position.

        She smiles, “It is alright. How was the concert?”

        “It was awesome,” I say, recalling the memories of being in Richard Jaxxe’s room, of seating at the front rows, of going to the after party, of Erik and I dancing on the dance floor. But then the memory of Richard being drunk and all that comes back to me. “I was invited to Richard Jaxxe’s after party, and that was sooooo cool!” I try to sound happy and positive, but the part where Richard got drunk just keeps coming to me, again and again.

        “Well, that’s great.” My mother says, coming closer to me and giving me a hug. I can now see clearly. She is wearing a beautiful night dress, the one that she used to wear when I was really young. I barely remember it, but I can recognize that it is made of silk, and she had once said that this night dress was the first gift my father ever bought her. She once said that this night dress was mailed and sent from America to Taiwan, when she was spending the summer with her grandma there.

        “Yeah,” I say, suddenly feeling weird. My mother seems to be hiding something. Every time she looks at me with that stiff smile, it is like she is in a bad mood, feeling sad, or hurt herself or something like that, “Mom?”

        “Huh?”

        “Are you okay?”

        “I’m fine, hon,” she says, but sounds not that sure. I decide that I should not bother her. Maybe she has some problem at work or something. But I can sure feel that something is going on.

        “So, umm, good night, Mom.” I have got nothing to say, and I am really tired after all these things that happened today, so I decide to go upstairs and get ready to sleep.

        I have this habit of checking my email before I go to sleep. So I turn on my computer and sign in to my email account.

 

        To: [email protected]

        From: [email protected]

 

        Dear Rae,

        You must think it is unbelievable that I am writing to you. But the truth is, I got your email address from our sweet Erik.

        I am just writing you to say sorry. I am really sorry about being drunk earlier and I know I had said something that seemed to shock and scare you at the same time.

        Did you remember what I told you about the woman that left me? I think you look a little bit like her. But it can just be a coincidence. The way you talk, the smile, and the voice are all kind of alike with that woman who had left me.

        It is not like I cannot control myself or anything. There are not really any fans like you that make me feel really relaxed and comfortable when we are in the same room. Fans are usually crazy and like to press me on more information of my personal life, what type of girls do I like, or etc. But you are totally different, unlike most of them, you are just being polite and quiet (in a good way, of course). There haven’t even been so many people that can make me feel so.

        I am just saying that, I hope you can come to my concerts every time when I hold one. I will inform you by email, and I will ask Erik to send you the ticket. If you want extra tickets in order to bring some friends to the concert, please feel free to write me and let me know.

        As for your song, I had listened to it, and personally, I think it is a cute song. But also, the lyrics are meaningful, even though they are short and can be easily told that it’s written by a beginner, but those are true words from your heart. I like the song. Maybe we can work together sometimes. J

 

Sincerely,

Richard Jaxxe

 

        I keep reading it until I can actually memorize what Richard had written. I cannot wait to reply him, so I just do so.

 

        Dearest Richard,

        It is so nice to hear from you. I am not surprised that Erik actually gave you my email address. Besides, I trust you, so I know it is you who is really writing to me.

        It is alright, Richard, you don’t need to apologize for that. You are way older than me, so it is alright. I think it is a really good thing for you, an adult, to say sorry to kids. It is rare for adults to do so because they don’t want to be weak (at least that is what they think) in front of children.

        I remember, and I am so sorry about that. But on the other hand, the woman might just want to protect you since your career was getting better and better, and you were getting more and more famous. If anyone ever knows that Richard Jaxxe had already had a child before marrying, it would have been big news, then your supporters might think of you in a bad way. So maybe it is better for her to leave you, at that situation. Please just don’t feel too sad when you see me. J

        I am really glad that I am not a too pushy person. As a fan, I enjoy listening to your music, but I will never press for your personal life. It is good to listen to the music, but there is no need to spy on the star or things like that.

        When I read through the part about the concert tickets, I am sooooo happy that I am jumping up and down on my bed like a crazy little kid (sorry about that). It will be awesome if I am able to go to all of your concerts! I am really excited (and please tell Erik that I am grateful about him sending me the ticket)! Maybe next time I will bring my best friend Vivian (if you agree).

        Thank you so much for your music review. I had tried my best, and that one is Vivian’s favorite.

        Now I have to go to bed. Have a good night, Richard.

 

        My mother bakes a box of chocolate cookies and hands it to me.

        “I promise I had put sugar in those cookies, they are going to taste good.” She says, with a huge smile on her face.

        I nod and put the box into my bag. “Thank you, Mom.” Then, as usual, we hug, and I ride my bike to The Lost Bar.

        Just as I get to the bar, I see an advertisement posted on the window saying that the bar is finding a singer. The work hour is from seven thirty p.m. to nine p.m., but there is also another one from ten p.m. to midnight. The hourly rate is 15 dollars per hour, and it is more than the money I get by being a part-time waitress. I decide to try.

        “Good morning, Rae!” John the bartender greets me as I walk into the bar.

        “Oh, hey, John,” I say, pointing at the advertisement on the window, “and, what’s that about?”

        “Ah, that,” John sighs, “well, I’m just trying to find a singer for our bar. But it’s not going to success. I’m just trying, you know . . .”

        “I can do it.” I say, looking at him firmly.

        “What?” John looks at me as if I just said something crazy.

        “I can do it.” I repeat, eyeing him, ever so sure.

        John sighs, again, “Now we’d better hear you sing here.”

        “I’ll take it as a yes.” I say, “What am I going to sing?”

        “I will give you a day to prepare, young lady. I’m gonna make you sing in front of customers tomorrow as a test. If they like your voice, I’ve got nothing to say; if they don’t, you’re gonna be back to your usual waitress work.”

        “Deal.” I smile.

 

By eight o’clock people start gathering to The Lost Bar. It is my resting-hour. Then I see some people I know.

Erik is heading toward my way, with a rose and a gift box which is packed elaborately with a sky-blue wrapping paper. Then I find out later in surprise that Richard is here, too. He is wearing his usually denim jacket and jeans, talking to John the bartender, ordering beer or something.

“Hello, Rae.” Erik comes near me, saying those words out right by my ear.

“Hello, Erik. How’s everything?” I ask, suddenly feeling unsure of our friendship. Is that love? Or is that just friendship? I think I am in love with him at the first sight. But nothing is proved. I am even not that sure about my true feelings for him.

Erik hands me the rose and the gift. “These are for you. Don’t open the gift now.”

I smile politely, “Thank you so much, Erik.”

“Richard and I had chosen that gift together. I hope you will like it.” Erik adds.

I nod, still smiling, giving him a hug instead of “thank you”. He seems to hesitate for a second, and then he hugs me back.

“It is so nice of you.” It is the only thing I feel like saying right now. Then I suddenly remember my cookies. So I decide to take my cookie-box and share with Erik, maybe also Richard (if he is not busy).

Now I find myself doing something that I have never done before. I feel my hand reaching for Erik’s, leading him outside of the bar, cookie-box in another hand.

“Rae?”

“Here, have some cookies. Not sure if they will taste good. My mom made them this morning, she is a bad cooker. I am always the one cooking.” I laugh a bit.

Erik laughs with me, too, placing a hand on my shoulder. “It tastes great.”

I laugh even louder. “C’mon, that is not that good. Like I don’t know my own mom!”

“True. But the cookies are really not that bad!” He exclaims, grabbing for another one.

I just look at him in disbelief. For minutes, we just sit there, looking at the half-empty box, enjoying the time we are together even though we are not talking, until John finds me.

“Rae, I allow you to go back home earlier today to prepare for your interview tomorrow. You’d better sing well!”

I nod, “Thank you for giving the chance, John.”

“No problem.” He says and walks away.

Erik looks at me. “What interview, Rae?”

“Didn’t you see the advertisement on the window?”

“You are going to sing here?” He asks, “Well, that will be great. Tell you a secret . . . Richard was here singing before when he was young.”

I blank. “Seriously? That’s awesome!”

Just when we are talking about Richard, he appears right beside us.

“Yes, Rae, I was singing here when I was about your age. John was like my old boss.”

“That is sooooo cool.” I grin.

He winks at me. “True. This is called pre-rock star life.”

I nod in understanding. Richard sits down by my side. Now sandwiching between Erik and Richard, I pass the cookie-box to Richard, there are still two cookies left.

“Thank you, Rae.” Richard says, smiling, again, at me.

 

        It is almost ten thirty when Erik drives me home. Richard waves me goodbye when I jump down the car. I wave back, a smile on my face before I head back into my house. The lights are all turned off, and my mother is already asleep. This time she doesn’t wait for me. She is already in her room.

        But as I walk inside, I find out that her night light is still on. She is holding a beautiful photo album with a red cover, the color of the cover is already fading.

        From a distance I see a picture of a baby holding a guitar that is absolutely too big for that little body, simpering. I guess that baby is me.

        My mother suddenly notices, and then she lifts up her head and looks at me.

        “You are home, Rae.” She says, “I’m looking at the photo album.”

        “I can tell.” I smile, leaning closer to look at the photos clearly, “whose guitar is this?”

        “It was your father’s.” My mother says, flipping through another page.

        “My father could play the guitar?” I ask.

        My mother nods, suddenly looking sad. “He was a musician.”

        I blink. “He was?”

        My mother nods again, I can feel the hurting and pain on her face when she talks about him.

        “Go to sleep, sweetheart.” Her voice turns cold. I know she doesn’t want to talk about my father. Turning away, I sigh, footsteps draping, slowly walk back to my room.

        “Good night, Mom.”

        “Good night, hon.”

 

        I sit down by my bedside, taking out the gift and the rose from my bag. I place the rose into my empty vase (the lily from last week is already withered), and open the gift.

        It is a necklace with a copper-made star. It is small and cute, I like it very much. There is also a beautiful, black fountain pen from Waterman inside the box. A little pink card lies in the gift box, waiting for me to read it.

 

        Dear Rae, the necklace is from Erik, and the pen is from me. I hope you like it. The pen was a gift from my father and is always my favorite; I used to use it to write lyrics and songs. Now I give it to you, since I have no real daughter, so this is for you, because you are like a daughter to me. I know you will love the pen. Use it wisely!

 

        I smile, singing and dancing around the room. Richard Jaxxe is really giving me his favorite pen and telling me to use it wisely! And Erik, my best friend Erik, had given me a necklace! It is like suddenly realizing the feeling of . . . having a father who cares for me!

        I sit down in front of my desk, turning on my computer, and then I login to my email account.

 

        Dear Richard,

        It is so nice of you to give me your favorite pen. I am so happy. I will take it as a treasure, and I will use it wisely for sure.

        Thank you so much! Please also tell Erik that I love the necklace! I will wear it every day, tee-hee.

 

        I click “send” and spring back onto my bed. A new melody suddenly slips into my head. I hum a few parts and smile to myself. This feels great, how the notes come out from my mouth, and gone into the air, mixing with absolute pleasure that brings more joy after the song is completed. I head back to my desk, grabbing my teddy bear, pulling out my lyrics book and the pen Richard gave me, starting to write down the song I just sang.

 

        I’m counting the stars at night; I found my own way to sing this song. It’s gonna be wasting my life, but I know there’s gonna be a light in front of me. No one knows what’s going to be on tomorrow, so I’m just gonna live through today, you’ll be the one who know.

 

        I have got these lyrics so far, I sing the melody again, making sure I really remember, and again, I smile to myself, turning off the light and finally going to sleep.

Author's Note

Please tell me if I made any mistakes on grammar. Please list them if possible. Thank you.

Reviews

[R J Askew]

I like the name THE LOST BAR, by the way.

I think the best bits in this chapter are about the mother. I think this iimage is moving: My mother is already asleep. She lies on the couch; the television is still on, a half-eaten chocolate cake on the table, which is set in front of the couch. I drop the keys on the table, trying so hard to walk as silently as I can..

I also like this passage: .. I find out that her night light is still on. She is holding a beautiful photo album with a red cover, the color of the cover is already fading.
From a distance I see a picture of a baby holding a guitar that is absolutely too big for that little body, simpering. I guess that baby is me.

The email exchanges are soo polite and the English is better than many whose first languge is English.

The fan-star relationship is a fairy tale of a dream. That said I have bought into it, so much so that I was not surprised when RJ turned up 'right beside us.'

We all have to dream.

[Singer-Songwriter - Miya]

It is true. RJ is a really important character and he has some huge effects on little Rae.
I have no idea why I came up with the name The Lost Bar. Probably because when I was young, I was always told that sad people go to bars. Ha ha. :-)
Thank you for your review :-)

[R J Askew]

The Lost Bar wld be a winner in reality .. there must be one somewhere in the world

[Singer-Songwriter - Miya]

For sure there is :-)

[Karina]

Omg I'm on Chapter 4... Richard's her father isn't he?! O.O Lol.

[Anonymous]

“You, too.” I say, opening the car door and heads inside my house.
-The use of "heads" here is wrong, change to "heading".

But then the memory of Richard being drunk and all that comes back to me, “I was invited to Richard Jaxxe’s after party, and that was sooooo cool!”
-The comma here should be replaced with a period.

“Well, that’s great.” My mother says, coming closer to me and gives me a hug.
-Change either to "as she comes close to me and gives me a hug" or "coming closer to me and giving me a hug". You have to stick with the same verb tense.


“I’m fine, hon.” She says, but sounds not that sure.
-Change to "I'm fine, hon," she says, but sounds not that sure.

"I know I had said something that seemed to shock and scared you at that time."
-Change to "I know I had said something that seemed to shock and scare you at the same time."

"There are not really any fans like you that make me feel really relaxing and comfortable when we are in the same room"
-Should be relaxed and comfortable

That's a start, would you like some more?
By the way, I noticed you don't use contractions at all! This is pretty unusual in modern writing... it was hard for me to get used to. It's not necessarily a bad thing as it's very distinct, but I'm curious; what made you decide to write this way?

[Singer-Songwriter - Miya]

Aww . . . you are so nice :-) Thank you for your help.
I don't know what you mean by "not using contractions" :-(

[Anonymous]

No problem! I'm one of those freaks who enjoys grammar (:

By contractions I mean using "it is" instead of "it's" or "i am" instead of "i'm" and things like that.

[Singer-Songwriter - Miya]

Oh, I am used to . . . only using it when I am writing dialogues. Ha ha.
Thank you so much. I hope you can help me with other chapters, can you?