Chapter 1 - Fighting

Just a story i've been writing lately. The idea of it came to me at 3 o'clock in the morning. Enjoy(:

Liz stared at the blank space of sketch paper laying in front of her. She had no idea what to draw tonight. She already had enough on her mind other than something stupid to sketch. Tomorrow was going to be Liz’s first day as a freshmen in high school and she had many worries. What am I going to do if I don’t make any friends? Where am I going to sit at lunch? Hmm…I got it! Liz unzipped her pencil case and reached inside to retrieve a mechanical pencil. Just as she is about to make her first line on the page, she hears a slam. Ugh, Mom’s home. 

Liz pushed the door open and slumped down the stairs. Her mom was putting her black leather purse, keys, and pack of cigarettes on the counter.

"Shouldn't you be asleep? It's your first day of school and your gonna have bags under your eyes. Don't you wanna look good for your first day of HIGH SCHOOL? Don‘t you wanna be popular?"

Liz's mom was always criticizing her and telling her things that didn't make her feel any better. Things that made her feel judged. She always felt like she was trying to impress her mom but nothing ever worked so she decided to be herself. And when she made that decision, all hell broke loose.

Liz didn't want to wear clothes like all of the preps, she wanted to be herself. She started wearing band shirts, skinny jeans and anything that she liked. Liz didn’t have a specific style, she wore whatever the hell she wanted to wear. She shopped at multiple stores with multiple styles to each store. She would shop at Forever21 one day, and Hot Topic on another day. That’s just the way she is.  

Liz always had a love for reading but for the past few years she read everyday, constantly, finishing one book after another. That was her way of relief and her land to escape to when she was depressed. Although, now she didn't have that getaway anymore. Liz was reading books so fast, her mom slowed down on buying them. Liz begged and begged her mother to purchase books for her but she refused. She had to start reading slower and savoring every bit of those books until she retrieved another.

"Why should i care what those s***s think of me? All they do is flirt with guys and pick on people who aren't less than 90 pounds, " Liz said disgustingly.

"Because if you don't get a good impression on them, no one else likes you. Believe me, i know..." her mom got cut off by Liz's unimpressed voice.

"I know, i know! You used to be a skinny cheerleader and you were friends with everyone. Ok mom, that is bullshit. There is no possible way someone like that can be friends with everyone. You had to be a b***h sometime. It‘s pretty obvious that you were back then. I can tell by the way you act now." 

The next sentence that her mom yelled was replaced by Liz’s thoughts. She was done listening to her mother ramble on about the good ol’ days when she was perfectly skinny and could do a split. She needs to get over the fact that I am never going to be like her.  F That. Still ignoring her moms screams, Liz jogged up the stairs and slammed her poster covered door closed. I am so sick of my mom not handling what I want. This is my life and I can do whatever I want with it!

"YOUR A FIFTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL. SHOULDN'T YOU CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE AT ALL?!" her mom yelled up the stairs. 

Liz definitely cared about what she looked like. She had self esteem as low as the floor. Liz walked over to the filthy mirror and stared at her reflection. She lifted up her shirt until her fingers hit the bottom of her bra and then moved her other hand over her soft stomach. Liz always wished to be skinny, to be the one who could walk down the beach in a bikini with all the guys staring at her in awe. Every time she went swimming, she wore her Black Veil Brides band shirt over her bikini. She didn't want anyone catching a glimpse of her 'fat' and being disgusted. 

Liz dropped the bottom of her shirt and knelt down next to her clothing drawers. She leaned her head on the side of one of the drawers and continued to weep. Then, she slid across the floor and opened up a box. The box contained an object that was silver and sharper than a knife. Inside the box, was a razor. Liz's hand shook as it floated down into the box and picked up the razor, trying not to grasp it too tight. A month ago, she promised herself that she would never cause harm to herself again but now, the promise was broken. 

Author's Note

I am an amateur writer. I don't mind comments that are criticizing. It makes me a better writer. But please don't flat out say, "YOU SUCK." Thank you.

Reviews

[ThoughtsOfANemoFish]

This is so good;o
I could read your stuff all day, everyday. It's so good and it's got such a nice flow to it! It's also got such human emotions, and such beautiful emotions that go through people our age's minds everyday, but they hide it. I can't tell you how beautiful it is! Well done!:)

[Brenden Taylor]

This reminds me of my younger sister. When she was fifteen, just a few years ago, I got to see some of the same desire for solitude and freedom from judgment from her; although, she didn't go as far as the protagonist here goes (or at least how far I think she'll go).

Nice character development on the mom and Liz, and good work on the dialogue. It's a tad choppy at some points, but it's nothing a little more experience can't fix.

Good start.

[Ryzo]

This is pretty good work hun. haha my fave line was "She had self esteem as low as the floor." I chuckled at this. You're very creative with your words. You should write more. Look forward to reading more. :)

[OliviaTheElf]

I liked this. You should read mine, it's called The Butterfly Tree. It's just the beginning of course, and it's a short story, but you might like it.

[Ember]

The plot is one with which many followers will be able to relate. It's the not-so-perfect, melodramatic teenager that everyone see a piece of themselves inside which helps the story to sell itself and you demonstrate an obvious passion for it.
While the content is wonderful, the execution could withstand a little restructuring. There are places where you use double spacing and others where you use single that leads the reader to believe these are breaks in the story line though the tale flows right through as if the space were not even there. This can be resolved by reformatting and choosing either one or the other.
There is also a repetitiveness to your style. You tend to start too many sentences with 'Liz' and 'she' where you could vary it a bit and demonstrate to your readers your ability to be more descriptive and less focused on one single solitary aspect.
These, of course, are just suggestions to aide you in furthering your success and you don't have to listen to or agree with any of it. It's only an opinion.

[Rose of Gondor]

AMAZING-NESS!!!!!!!!!!! Love the cliffhanger at the end! I can feel every single emotion dripping through the sentences while I was reading. Awesome! :)

[Safe&sound<3 ♫]

it was so good! i loved it.

[nostal]

WTF? Five reviews in less than a day- what magic are you using?

[Ariana H]

thank you to all of you! I was worried but now I will definitely continue writing this story(: Once again, Thank you! -A

[SheDreamsInTheSun]

I loved it! You have so much talent.