She

She felt so much emotionally, she would say, that a physical outlet - physical pain - was the only way to make her internal pain go away. It was the only way she could control it.

Another day,

With it another tear that rolls down her eye,

As all her cries get lost…

In the noisy emptiness of the world,

And the deafening silence inside.

 

She’s an empty shell,

One more flame,

Burnt out before her time,

Battling the winds of the worldly crimes.

 

She once had the brightest smile,

Now just dark lifeless eyes.

Lost her spark to the world,

That broke her down piece by piece until only fear survived.

 

She fights pain with pain,

As cold metal presses against her skin,

Bringing out the warmth…

Her drug, to the raging tempest within.

 

Getting ready to cut again,

She looks back at the time gone by.

When a thought comes to her mind-

“What If I end my worthless life?”

 

With that in mind, she writes a note-

‘I love you mom, but I can’t take this anymore.

I hope I didn't die in vain…

I wish the world learns and bows its head in shame.’

 

And then she splits her wrists!

 

The last drops drip down,

Painting the picture of a wasted life.

 

Mumbling the words-

“Bring the motionless veil ‘O’ heaven”

She finally smiles, breathing her last sigh.

Author's Note

Okay, first I am sorry i havent read any of my read requests in a while.
Had an awfully busy month with exams and assessments.
Will try to catch up.

And this poem is inspired by cutters, who cut because they are not appreciated and are bullied!

All feedback is appreciated.
Thank you.
Enjoy.

Reviews

[Confuser]

Slice, Twice, Wrist, Knife, Life: Had to write those words before they disappeared from my mind, poof! I REALLY enjoyed it. You are quite a writer. I thought it was beautiful -excellent imagery and although a scary subject one I'm so glad you wrote. The world is so crazy and does drive kids to end their life. From the beginning to the end, it had my full attention. You painted quite a picture and I truly felt sad and could relate the the emotional turmoil of the character. Excellent imagery! I loved it! The reason I wrote the words above was because the line: And then she splits her wrists is great, but I do believe you can make it better. I hope you're not angry with a suggestion. I am so new to writing: I've only did this a couple of time and we don't know each other. And I just wish the words were more I suppose, quick, like she did, robotic, but with emotions. This is an amazing poem! I went back and read it again. You are a great writer. Thank you again.

[Angad Waraich]

Thank you so much for such a wonderful review. Positive criticism is always accepted and appreciated. Truth be told I have been trying to find a better suited line to replace the one you mentioned but nothing I come up with fits. So yeah! And once again thank you for such a generous review.

[Confuser]

Wow, thank you. Was very uncertain and nervous about writing a suggestion. Still love the poem. T/Y again.

[Konigin]

It is really well done Angad. :) I liked your pace and your wording.
It hit home hard, because I have battled depression. Thank you for giving a voice to those unheard. :)

I do have a nitpick:
¨With it another tear that rolls down her eye,¨
The wording here was awkward... It messed up the flow because I stopped to reread it... I would recommend some change in wording...

Other than that, it was beautiful! ^.^

[Angad Waraich]

Thank you Chelsea for reading and reviewing.
I have been looking for a better suited sentence and well i just cant seam to find one that fits.
Than you for your insight it is much appreciated

[Konigin]

Perhaps: ¨With it another tears rolls down her cheek¨ or ¨With it another tear falls from her eye¨ or something along those lines... :)

Welcome!

[Angad Waraich]

Yes, i'll give it another thought.
Thank you for the help.

[Konigin]

You are most welcome Angad!! ^.^

[Prabha Salimath]

Very nicely written. Yes girls sometimes find way to reduce their pain but bare it in silence. When they feel excess intolerable anymore take such steps which is has no return.

“ What If I end my worthless
life?”
With that in mind, she writes a
note-
‘I love you mom, but I can’t take
this anymore.
I hope I didn't die in vain…
I wish the world learns and
bows its head in shame.’
And then she splits her wrists!
The last drops drip down,
Painting the picture of a wasted
life.
Mumbling the words-
“Bring the motionless veil ‘O’
heaven”
She finally smiles, breathing her
last sigh."

These lines are meaningful and generous.

[Angad Waraich]

Thank you for dropping by Prabha.

[Sami Khalil]

Some people resort to different things or methods to fight or lower the pain and some find their fix in slitting wrists or punishing themselves. Life, people like bullies and misfortunes can be so hard and hard to handle for they can overwhelm the rational senses. An excellent write, sir...:)..............

[Angad Waraich]

Thank you so very much for reading and for your insight my friend, it is much appreciated.

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)....................

[Rene Salinas]

This right her Angrad really close to me in my life so I am treading carefully. When you have reached a level of emotinal dissociation and believe me is not as far as we think, we might feel so pushed into a corner that logic dissapears, fear sets in, and suddenly there is no other way out, so we resort to a way in, apparently and I say apparently becauase I am not expert on the matter so I can't even explain it properly, but for the sake of the conversation in bewteen you and me, we carve in through empty wounds. Some say is the control exherted which finds an outlet but whichever the logic behind it this writing clearly shows the state of somone that needs support, understanding, time out maybe even to re - gather, re form and try again to find the life forces needed to live.

And if the writing is indeed pointing out to a form of taking life away I am afraid we are too late with wanting to help.

This right here at least around my very limited social circles a current theme and loads of care to tread. The writing seems fitting to described the emotions.

A life once lost could be gone

Thankyou

[Angad Waraich]

Well first of all thank you so very much for reading.
And yeah if we were not broken in any way, i doubt there would be artist in the world.
This though it has a distinct similarity to what i feel, is actually inspired by an individual i talk to on a volunteer site and a lot of other cutters i have come across. Its becoming a wild spread trend nowadays.
I thought a piece to which others can relate may help.
So yeah!

Anyways thank you again for all your kind words they are appreciated as always.

[Rene Salinas]

Thankyou for the invite then....