Pretending

Sometimes I wish I could show you....

Whats on the other side of the mirror.

The girl who's screaming to break free....

The one who's tired of pretending to always be okay.

 

I can't stand to look at you....

Because every time I do I only see pain.

And it makes me feel dizzy and I'm afraid I'm going to puke.

It's like the world is going off into madness....

And, I'm in the very front row.

 

I put up walls...

Not to keep you out.

I just wanted to see if you cared enough to break them down...

And when I realized you did.

 

I did the one thing to surely block you out....

I hurt you in the deepest possible way.

I let my fears take the wheel....

And listen to what those demons those voices had to say.

 

I don't deserve to be loved...

If I did would my daddy have run out on me?

No, he wouldn't have....

So, make him go away.

 

And I guess I surely did....

Do you know what its like?
Too always come in second best....

To have your heart so badly f*****g hurt you don't even remember if its actually there?

 

Then you loose someone....

And suddenly you realized.

"Oh, yeah there you are heart, couldn't you have spoke up...

Just a little sooner?"

 

I don't want your pity...

And I don't want you too hate me.

But I'm going downhill faster then you think.

And I don't wanna drag you into this black abyss with me.

 

I'm not your concern....

And it kills me how much you care.

It was easier living in that listless fog....

But now that I'm back I realize I just wanna fly free.

 

To free fall and then fly away...

Someplace far from these pains.

But I was also born to fight....

So how do I stop pretending?

When it's something you've had to do...

For the past 15 almost 16 years.

How do you tell someone...

How sorry you truly are?

Author's Note

hope u liked...it