Kacy's pain

The worst present a little kid could ever get is a parent dying on their birthday. She died on my tenth birthday, my mother. No one saw it coming, not even my dad. She seemed fine, like her normal self, but I guess we were wrong.

My mother was beautiful, when she was alive. She had long blond hair, green eyes and the prettiest smile. She was only 30 years old when she killed herself.

I walked into her bedroom the morning of my birthday to find her holding a gun to her head. I started to scream but the sound wouldn’t come out. I tried to take a step and BANG! She had pulled the trigger. My dad came rushing in after hearing the gun shot, only to find his wife dead and daughter frozen in horror. He started to cry, tears streaming down his face.

Blood was spattered on the wall and the bed. Her dead, lifeless body had fallen to the ground, looking directly at me. Oddly enough, she had a smile on her face.

“Kacy,” he said, “get out of here, now!”

 

My eyes full of tears, and cloths splattered in blood, I ran. I ran to the backyard. To my tree house, the only safe place to hide from the world. I sat down in my chair and grabbed my teddy bear that my mother had bought me the night before. I didn’t move for hours. I just sat there, crying, nonstop!

My dad finally came up to get me after the police and medics had left. We were the only ones left--the only ones still alive in that house.

 

“Daddy, I want to leave.” I sobbed. “I want to get far way from here as we can!”

 

“ I know sweetheart. We will leave as soon as possible! I don’t want to stay here either.” He sounded so depressed. Tears started streaming down his face. 

 

“I don’t want to be in a house that killed my mother! This is no longer my home, it’s a jail cell that I’ll never be able to get away from!” I started to cry even harder.

 

He grabbed me, and pulled me in to him. He held me tight for a long time, crying with me. We ended up sleeping in my tree house that night cause neither of us wanted to walk in the house. Everything that happened next is a blur.

 

For six years the nightmares wouldn’t go away. In my nightmare, the blood was everywhere--the gun was not in my mother’s hand, but in mine! Every time, I was the one who killed my mother, it was always me! I woke up one night crying, I had the nightmare again, but this time it was I who shot myself not my mother. That night I knew it was my fault! I was the one that caused her to take her own life and I didn’t even know why!

I never told my dad about my dream. He was worried about me, though. He worried why I stopped talking, why I changed the clothing I wore, why I was not my daddy’s happy, little princess any more.

I was sixteen when we finally moved to a new house, far away from the horrible memories.  I hoped I would be far away from the nightmares, too.

 

When we moved I stared getting in a lot of trouble with the police. I started smoking, drinking and stealing. Anything and everything that was illegal for a sixteen-year-old to do, I did it. My dad thought I was just trying to get attention, or I just fell in to the wrong crowd. Truth is, I was depressed. I needed help, but he didn’t see it.  No one did.

 

The only people that ever talked to me were my friends. None of them knew my story.  None of them knew what was going on in my head.

To everyone at school I was the troublemaker, the girl you didn’t want to know. I was the girl that every guy secretly wanted to have, and every girl secretly wanted to be. Strong willed, independent, not afraid to tell you off, that was me. I was the tough girl that everyone feared. If any one got in my face, I wasn’t afraid to knock them out.

The only guy, outside of my friends, that even had the guts to talk to me was the only guy I actually liked. His name was Apollo. He was the tall, dark and handsome type. He had dark brown hair, with baby blue eyes, and an amazing smile. He was the star football player, who was way out of my league.

One day our English teacher had partnered us up together to do an interview project. When she had called our names, he looked at me and smiled. I had never seen him smile that way at any one. He came over to my desk and asked when we should do our interviews.

 

“Umm, tonight?” I replied shyly.

 

“Alright, I can do that. Could we do it at your place, my parents are having people over tonight?” He looked embarrassed to ask.

 

“Yeah, sure. If you want you could come over for dinner, then we could work after.” I felt like my face was turning red.

 

“Thank you. I’d love to.” He winked at me and said; “I’ll see you tonight.”  Then walked away.

 

My face was red hot. I couldn’t believe he was coming to my house! What was I going to say to my dad when he found out I would be having a boy over!

 

Apollo showed up, we ate, and then went straight up to my room to work. I interviewed him first. His story was just like I thought it would be. He had lived in Springfield, Missouri all of his life. His father was a star football player, too. So he was trying to live up to the family legacy just to make his dad happy. He had the happy, easy life I wish I had.

I finished writing and then he asked me about my life.  The smile that was on my face disappeared and I looked away.

 

“What’s wrong?” he gave me this look of concern, as if he really wanted to know.

 

“Sadly, my life wasn’t as happy and family oriented as yours.” The tears got harder to hold back.

 

“Tell me please. Whatever it is, I’ll listen and be here if you need me, I promise.” He put his hand under my chin and had me look at him.

 

A tear started to fall down my face. He wiped it away, but instead of moving his hand away after, he held my cheek in his hand.

With tears streaming down my face, I told him everything. How my mother killed herself, the nightmare that made me realize it was my fault, how I changed when we moved. I told him things I had never told any one else.

When I was done with my story, Kenneth had a look of horror on his face. He never had a clue that all of that made me who I was. He never thought something like that could change someone so much.

I was still crying when he grabbed me and held me close. He told me he would never let any one hurt me ever again. I ended up falling asleep in his arms.

I woke up to him kissing my forehead. It looked as if he had just woken up himself. I looked at the time, midnight. I was surprised my dad hadn’t woken us up for Kenneth to leave or his parents calling for him to go home.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.” He still sounded tired.

 

“Its fine.” I replied with a smile.

 

“ I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile. You have a beautiful smile, I’d love to see it more,” his eyes started to sparkle and a sleepy smile took shape “and maybe be the reason it shows up more often.”

 

My face started to turn red and my smile got bigger. What was I supposed to say to that?

 

“Kacy?” He asked

 

“Yes?” I replied

 

“Since the first day I saw you, I knew there was something about you that had me hooked.” He said. “Now that I’ve had this chance to spend time with you, I realize what it is. You’re not like any girl I’ve ever met. Your beautiful, smart, and funny, but you’ve built up a wall, a wall that you let me break down tonight. Unlike everyone else, I got to meet the real you and I fell in love with that girl.”

 

“You fell in love with me?” I was in shock

 

“Yes. Kacy, I want to be with you. I want you to be my girl. Will you?” He sat up on my bed and held my hands,

 

“Me?” I asked.

 

I sat there looking at him for a few minutes. My face was on fire! I had no clue what to say.

 

“Yes!” it had surprised me that I had managed to speak.

 

He got a big smile on his face and hugged me. We both laid back down, he put his arm around me, and we fell asleep, once again. That night was the first night the nightmares had stopped.

 

The next morning my dad walked in my room to find us still sleeping in the same place. He stood there in the doorway, smiling. He knew something good had happened that night. He knew I had finally opened up to someone, even if it wasn’t him. My dad had seen something in Apollo. Something he never thought he would see, love and compaction.

 

“Good morning sleepy heads. If you’re hungry, I made pancakes.” My dad sounded happy, for the first time in a long time.

 

“Umm, good morning dad.” I wasn’t expecting him to be so happy. I thought he might be mad, not happy.

 

“Good morning, sir.” Apollo sounded a little scared.

 

My dad smiled and walked down stairs. Apollo and I sat up, stretched, and walked down stairs after my father. We sat down at the table to wait for our breakfast. Apollo looked over at me with a smile and held my hand in his. My face turned red and a smile started to appear. My father peeked around the corner. He saw the smile on my face. He hadn’t seen me smile in years. A few minutes later he brought out breakfast.

 

“So, Apollo how was your night?” my father asked.

 

“My night was amazing.” He looked over at me. “Sir, I would just like to say your daughter is the most amazing girl I have ever met and I would love it if I could have your permission to be with her.”

 

He had just asked my father if he could be with me! I had never had a boyfriend. I never met a guy that was brave enough so say they liked me, let-alone ask my dads permission to date me!

 

“Apollo, you have already proven to me that you’re not like other teenage boys. If it weren’t for you, no one would ever see Kacy’s beautiful smile. I haven’t even seen her smile in years.” My father smiled at me, making me feel like a carefree little kid again. “Yes, Apollo, you may.”

 

I looked at my father with a look of amazement, and then turned to Apollo. He was grinning from ear to ear.

 

“Thank you, sir.” He sounded so happy.

 

After we finished eating, Apollo and I went back up to my room. We sat on my bed talking and laughing for hours, till my dad came up to tell Apollo his parents had called. I didn’t want him to leave. I hadn’t been that happy since my mother was alive.

 

I walked with him to his car, trying not to cry. We hugged. I felt so safe in his arms, like nothing could hurt me. I looked up at him, he looked down at me, and he kissed my forehead. It felt like time had stopped. The world froze and I never want it to end. Sadly, it had to. We said bye and he left.

 

 I woke up the next morning to my phone ringing. It was his ringtone. I grabbed my phone and answered it.

 

“Hello.” I was still half asleep.

 

“Good morning beautiful.” You could tell he had just got up, too. He still sounded tired.

 

“Well good morning.” I giggled a bit.

 

“So how did you sleep with out me?” he asked.

 

“I didn’t have the nightmare.” I told him, “I just had dreams of you.”

 

“Good. So how would you like to spend the whole day with me?” he sounded unsure of his question.

 

“I would love to!” That woke me up for sure.

 

“Sweet. I’ll pick you up in a couple hours, alright?” he said.

 

“O. K. I’ll see you then.” I replied.

 

“I love you.” Only my parents had said those three words to me.

 

“I love you, too.” I finally managed to say after a few seconds.

 

We hung up and I started getting ready. I took a shower, fixed my hair, and put on a little bit of makeup. After an hour and a half, I was ready.

He showed up twenty minutes later and told me we would be spending the day with his parents. I was all right with that, even though I didn’t really want to spend the day with them.

I was the type of girl that felt uncomfortable around other people, well other than Apollo. I was unsure of how his parents would react to him dating an outcast, instead of a cheerleader, or volleyball, or basketball player. He was the type of guy that wanted the sporty, preppy girls that were nothing like me. They were prettier, smarter, and more athletic. They aren’t the outcasts, the troublemakers, the smokers, druggies, and alcoholics. They were every thing I wasn’t. But out of all of the bad things I had done and gotten myself in to, he still wanted this heartless, lonely, outcast to love.