My Little White Lighter.

 

“So did you hate me?” She asked me as I lounged on my bed staring at the ceiling.

“What do you mean?” I said seriously pondering where this conversation could possibly lead.

“Well, growing up, I mean did you hate me while you were a child?”

“No.” My reply leaped from my mouth into the world before I could even think about the question. “No. I didn’t hate you when I was a kid, mom.”

She stared into my brown eyes and I could see the emptiness that plagued her inside, the coldness that had been growing inside of her for the most part of her 32 year old life.

 After a few moments she stood up off the corner of my bed and walked out of my room saying “You know, I never really thought of you as a kid… you have always seemed to be grown up to me.”

“Yeah that’s because I had to be the grown up.” I silently mumbled as I slipped on my blazer and put on my gloves. I moved my hand inside of my blazer to double-check the pocket… Yep, had my cigarettes.

 After pulling one out, I wandered out my door and down the steps into the cold air, the frozen grass crushed under my feet leaving about an odd crispy noise and blackness painted over the sky;the stars seemed like little diamonds glittering in the distance, just out of reach. Reaching into my jean pockets I found my lighter and pulled the white beauty out. I stroked her, pushed down on the red tab, and lit it. I pulled the flame close to my cigarette and took a drag. Everything would get better I supposed…

Reviews

I like these sort of stories- they're just short, sweet, to the point and have a messgae behind them, it's good stuff- kinda shows how all the big problems in life can often be sorted by the litte luxuries... nice thought! :) well done and good write xx

[Ecox]

MARKY MARK! This is definitely the good stuff! I love these sorts of short stories. It is so brief and as you read it, it would seem that not a lot is "going on," but really what's going on is life. This is a perfect little slice of life, my man. Well done fo sho.

[Cassandra]

The title caught my attention. There's an Eve 6 song that pays homage to the white Bic lighter... but I digress. I found this to be VERY enjoyable, and fun to dissect. Despite its brevity you cram a lot in this.

Now .. if the mother was 32 (her age must be important) and we see that it is because it gives us a little hint as to her son's age.. the speaker. He's obviously young. Too young to be smoking and enjoying it as he does.. obviously he is addicted. But he is wise beyond his years and the smoking reflects it. His mother's juvenile questions "did you hate me" really tell us a bit about the relationship and perhaps she's quite more immature than her son. Maybe a tragedy happened to make the son step up his maturity. I kind of want to know what happened to make their relationship awry if anything.. perhaps it was nothing.. perhaps it was just their close proximity in age.

I particularly enjoy the last paragraph, the speaker uses explicit language ("pulled the white beauty out. I stroked her, pushed on the red tab") when describing his lighter and that taking a drag made his troubles a little more bearable. I do like the shortness of this :) I like everything about it, setting .. character development.. how you break it into dialogue first and then description. Awesomely done !