that black hole no longer resides in me

in describing depression and recovery

that black hole that once resided in me

eating me out of house and home

its incessant need for attention

its wanton desire for destruction,

gluttonous hunger breeding in the dark

all the time consuming and growing

taking possession of all of my rooms

that former long-term squatter

whose hostile possession of my address

shattered all the windows, boarded up the doors

twisted my intestines with broken glass and rusted nails

then lodging in my breast, crawling up

into my throat, choking all sound,

in sealing my lips, locked me inside

that black hole that took up residence,

holding its previous occupant hostage,

its true and rightful owner unable to discard

this hollow splintered frame that used to be mine

resigned I, to living in neglectful squalor

decaying piece by piece and limb by limb

self-loathing and disgust mangling my third eye

no love-soaked bandages in sight

its sickly rotten tongue licking my insides

that black hole eating me up

its talons clicking across the floorboards

teeth sinking into tattered remains of memory

swallowing up the remaining straws of identity

as it makes its way, belly sliding along

into the recesses of my soft-brained mind

that black hole invading my head

seeping into that soft-matter

where neurons used to transmit signals

a lighthouse to navigate the ships safely in,

salty mass of seaweed turned out the light up there,

becoming the dead sea behind my eyes

all thought of rescue left behind

sinking vessel, and I, chained in the hold

dead sea, sinking ship, drunken sailors unrest

that monster swam up from the deep

crawl climbing its way on board,

and spreading sickness inside this hallow hull

waters black and choked with decay

strangling that last beam of light

everyone jumps overboard, but I remain

that black hole that forced its way inside

had taken the captain's chair

forced me, broken, cowering

in the corner of my mind

looking with blind eyes

feeling with crooked fingers

nothing, numb with fighting

with no fighting chance

that black hole no longer resides in me

no white flag of surrender will fly here

I demanded retreat, I demanded freedom

I swallowed my fear, i took up arms

I took back possession of what was mine

I realized, that black hole was not me

I did not own it, it did not own me

that black hole no longer resides in me