When I lost my mind

Lift her off of you, sure, but who’s to say she won’t f**k off someplace else. Or someone else, I don’t know. I’ve been studying conversation and the rhythm of my beating heart and it speeds when I’m jealous or suspicious. I’ve no reason to be either, but I’ve did my part with the petty suffering. All the little things that make my chest do little thumps that are not worth mentioning left my confidence somewhere beneath me, hanging off of whatever shred of meat or splinter or bone it can grasp. It really messes with me. Her love is obvious, though not blatant. And mine is 100%, and its strong and jealous. She isn’t best with promises as she fails to follow through with most of them. And sometimes she is cold and I yell at her face with her eyes and mouth, the nerves under her skin feeling my voice in shockwaves. I want to tell and say “IM SICK OF YOUR S**T!” she gives me no s**t, well maybe sometimes. She sometimes isn’t thinking of me because she has this thing where she wants to please everyone, so they become my replacement and as usual, I am left alone in a room that is hot like an infernal womb and empty with darkness like a thousand year old tomb. So it’s hard for me to tell whether she lies or she’s just not as devout as I am. So maybe I am in the wrong for being a fool and pouring too much of myself so easily. But I am not a whole fool for I know that if or when the time comes around that she has wronged me, I will banish her from me as if I don’t need her “love” to fufill myself. Or maybe it is me who will do that wronging. Regardless, these are the ploys and follies of love. Most of love is pain but there are good times. I think I hurt for the both of us though. I think into things too much so I jump to conclusions. Most of which are not true, but again, I’m assuming. Who knows the secrets she cloaks in her brain.