Natas

This started out as a short story, but is technically a prologue of a book that I'm writing. It is about angels. In this universe, God created angels in pairs to keep balance.

Natas could tell he was waiting for them. Lot paced rapidly near the gates of the pernicious city. The light of the sun had diminished to a burnt orange, and soon night would fall completely on the condemned city of Sodom. Natas gave Uriel an ominous smile. She was quite enjoying this feeling. Although she rarely traveled in male form, she felt just as powerful as she did in her feminine exterior. She knew what the men of this town wanted: young, impressionable men. Taking the power from females was too easy. Breaking a man down was much more satisfying to them.  Actually, she was quite impressed with her other half. How did he create such evil in these men's hearts? How did he inspire two entire cities to violate every law of humanity? They had lost the ability to love, to trust, and fed off each other like wild animals. Their tumultuous hearts were filled with passion, lust, misery, and pain. Their wants became their needs and their needs had become unattainable.  Luc had destroyed the Love that God had borne into them and replaced it with an insatiable desire to break His heart.

She thought about her former mate and how she missed walking with him. Uriel was a fine companion, but Luc was piece that was torn violently from her. The tragic thing was that sometimes, little separated them; the "angels" and the "demons".  Sometimes, it only depended on who was doing the bidding.

   As Uriel and Natas approached the gate, she could see Lot's face more clearly. Lot's brows were furrowed as they approached, and his skin was damp with sweat. His nervousness concerned Natas. Surely his faith had not grown thin. She knew what his fidgeting meant.  His fate lay in their hands. Were they angels of life or angels of death?  Actually, tonight, they were both.

 "Good evening Lot," Natas began. "I hope this evening finds you and your family well."

"Yes, my lords," Lot nodded, "Very well."

"We have brought a message to you from our Father in Heaven. The cities of Sodom and Gomorrah are to be destroyed. It is our Father's wish that you and your family are spared from this event," Uriel said.  He was so matter-of-fact. He did not seem to have much compassion for humans, but he was not resentful or envious of them either. Uriel was a curious one. Natas thought that perhaps God had accidentally dropped Uriel's personality and respect for humanity into the abyss (that was later to become the universe) when he created him, "Oops, well we'll have to make do without that," Natas could picture Him saying. Uriel did take instruction well though, and that made him a suitable companion. Natas hated being asked questions, especially ones she wasn’t sure she had the answer to.

 Uriel and Lot exchanged words about where Natas and Uriel would spend the night. Uriel insisted that the streets of Sodom were perfectly acceptable, and Natas wondered if he had completely lost his mind. Lot, however, urged them to spend the night in the comfort of his own home. Lot told them that his wife had prepared a lavish meal for them and his daughters would wash their feet from their travels. Natas suddenly awoke from her silly day dream about Uriel's creation to interject, "Gentlemen, please. Lot, we are more than honored at your hospitality. Escort us to your home where we shall eat and drink with you and your family, and explain God's plans for you." Uriel stopped and realized that this was a command from his superior. There was no more argument.  

  As Natas and Uriel followed Lot to his home, a group of men eyed them seductively. Beyond them, Natas could feel a dark presence. Natas smiled and winked at the invisible observer. The largest man in the crowd smiled wide.  Obviously he did not realize her smile was not intended for him or that, in this game, she was the cat and he was the mouse. She enjoyed her work far too much.

 

Inside Lot's home, Lot's daughters washed the angels’ feet and giggled ridiculously. Their presence seemed to offend Uriel. He knew, as did Natas, how dark their hearts were and how neither he, nor Natas, could not save the entire city from its wickedness tonight. He sneered at the two girls, but Natas felt an overwhelming sadness. She felt empathetic for Lot. Apparently God was saving the girls for the sake of Lot. Natas loved and admired her Father. He knew that Lot was old and worn, and may not have the strength to go on if he were to lose his entire family.

           

Just then, Paltith, the daughter who was washing Uriel's feet, brushed her breasts provocatively across his foot. The other daughter giggled. Uriel quickly retreated and leapt up from his seat, "I think we are quite finished here," he said with disgust. Lot and his wife looked over at the angels and their daughters in confusion. Natas grabbed Paltith abruptly by the arm and escorted her outdoors.

 "How wicked you girls are," Natas scolded Paltith.

  "I have no idea what you are talking about. It was an accident! I am so sorry my lord, please forgive me." Paltith pled.

 "Do you forget who we are? We are your lords and we can see into your blackened hearts. I know who you were, I know who you are, and I know what you will become, yet I still allow you to live."

Paltith’s eyes narrowed, glaring into Natas’ eyes, “You have no idea what we are capable of.”

“I am afraid I do. You have no clue what you are dealing with, my dear. You are playing a dangerous game that you had no business being a part of. You are weak.”

“You cannot kill us,” Paltith smiled as if she just realized this fact. “Your master forbade it, did he not? I can see it in your eyes, though. You would very much like to.”

Natas smiled back at her, “You are not what concerns me. You are insignificant to me. You are not my enemy, but a vessel used to carry out wicked deeds. You are being used you stupid girl. Whether or not you choose to acknowledge it does not matter to me. Your father is who I am here to protect.”

   Before Paltith could object, the men from the city, led by the hefty man who smiled at Natas earlier, made their way to Lot’s home. They seemed violently prepared, each holding either a dagger or a spear. Natas realized that she was playing a dangerous game too.

"Hello my love," the brute said to Natas, "How I am going to enjoy you pleasuring me tonight." The large man grunted and his cohorts laughed obnoxiously.

          

  Natas realized her foolishness. Although she enjoyed playing this game and taking these men’s lives would bring her great satisfaction, she had brought danger to Lot's home and they would be forced to leave rather quickly. Natas had a cunning retort, but was cut short when Uriel, Lot and his family appeared in the doorway.

“Hello sweetheart. You mind joining your little friend and us for some fun,” the man said to Uriel, “In fact, I’ll let you choose you gives and who receives while I watch. Then, you can pleasure me together.” The crowd roared behind him. Uriel’s eyes narrowed and his face was now the shade of cranberries; the veins in his neck pulsed threateningly. Natas held her hand to his chest in an attempt to diffuse the situation.  

Lot began to plead with the men to spare the angels, while Lot’s daughters offered themselves in the angels’ place. Apparently they were not interested in such willing participants. There was fresh, young meat right in front of their noses, and its scent was intoxicating.

           

Although Uriel had typically seemed quite emotionless, there was one thing he nearly took pleasure in. Out of the corner of Natas' eye, she could see the corners of Uriel's lips twinge with satisfaction. He held out his right hand, his crimson palms piercing the darkness. Natas shouted in protest, and the expression on Uriel's face fell into that of confusion. One of the men lay dead on the desert floor.  

           

The men looked bewildered. They took up their weapons as if Uriel’s actions infuriated, rather than frightened them. Luc had sent them on a suicide mission. Natas thought quickly and, from her palm, ejected an indigo light that swept over the men’s faces.  They began running into each other, disorientated. They could not find the door to Lot's home. They were struck with blindness, and Natas wondered if that was a blessing, because they would not be able to see the horrors that were yet to come.

           

"You must leave, now!" Natas instructed Lot and his family. Lot’s eyes widened and he trembled. He looked to his lords for help, but there wasn’t time to explain. Natas grabbed the hand of Lot's wife, and together Uriel and Natas escorted Lot's family out of the dangerous realm of the city.  Natas told the family to seek refuge in the mountains, and not to look back at the city, which would soon be ablaze. She also told them that God’s punishment for doing so would be severe.

           

Natas held Lot’s wife’s hands, kissed her forehead and whispered, "Please don't look back."  She nodded and smiled, but Natas knew. She knew that Paltith would tell her mother how glorious the flames were and how the ashes looked like snow falling from the heavens. She knew that the girls' trickery would extend far beyond her mother's death, and that they would soon become impregnated by their own father. No, the evil would not die here tonight, but Natas’ job was far from over.

          

  Natas and Uriel began to head back to the city. She no longer felt comfortable in her ruse. Natas stopped and told Uriel, "Go into the city and join Azrael and the others. I need to think." Azrael, Gabriel, and Michael were waiting for them in the city, awaiting orders from Natas. Uriel looked confused again, but obeyed with a silent nod and headed through the city's gates.

           

Natas began to walk away from the city. She could feel the warmth of the sand between her toes as her feet shrunk to a more delicate shape and size. Her hair shed its blonde exterior and ebony curls cascaded down her back. In the sunlight, her curls shimmered an iridescent violet, but in the darkness they were as black as the heavens. Her face and body transformed as well. Her jaw line and shoulders softened to reveal a more feminine stature.

            Just as her transformation was complete, a cold, yet comforting arm linked with hers and joined her on her stroll. She smiled slightly. She missed her former companion.

            "Now that is more like it. You look ravishing, my dear," Lucifer said and smiled a brilliantly gorgeous smile at her.

            "Thank you, Luc. You too are looking well." Natas said.

            "You know we can't keep meeting like this. People will start to talk."

            Natas laughed, and there was a short pause before Lucifer spoke again, "You know, I saw you back there. Marvelous work my dear. You are far too talented to waste your time saving these people. He created us in the same image. We belong together."

            "Well my dear, if you’ll remember, it wasn’t me who left you." Natas looked back at him with a look of accusation, but he could feel the pain behind her forgiving eyes.

            "I wanted you to come with me. I never meant to leave you behind, but I was cast out for identifying the fallacy of His divine creations. Those ‘humans’ are flawed and corruptible. They do not deserve His adoration. I knew I couldn’t take you, I could never condemn you to a fate such as mine, but I took your name and I have never stopped loving you.”

            Natas thought that perhaps, if he missed her, if he truly loved her, he would not have laid with Eve; he would not have betrayed her. Although his new name was a commendable homage, she would always remember him as Luc, her morning star.

“Why do you insist on corrupting them?” she asked.

“I loathe their wicked desires, yet desire their wicked hearts.” he replied.

            "I think your misplaced desires will be your downfall.”

“You would know more about my desires than anyone else.”

Natas began to walk away when Lucifer grabbed her hand and pulled her back into his arms. He kissed her passionately, and for a second she forgot everything and was one with him again. But as quickly as that feeling consumed her, she fought it, and back away. She smiled at Luc as she left.

Moments later, shouted out to her, "What does He have that I don't? We were a family until He chose them over us."

            Natas turned back to her old friend and said, "He makes me laugh...every day. I'm sure you cannot say the same.”

“He makes you laugh? Is this some sort of a joke to you? We were cast aside for imperfection!”

“I see a brilliant masterpiece through His eyes. Apparently you can only see the smeared paint. You’ve poisoned their minds and turned them against Him, but He won’t surrender them. So, tonight, He’s calling them home. You won’t be able to hurt them any longer."

“You’re a fool Natas! You let those emotions of yours get the best of you. You are no different from us. You take pleasure in the same things we do. Your guise was that of a man! You tempted those men, just as we do.”

“Now that is where you are very wrong my dear. I delight in freeing this city from its sin. I delight in the fact that we safely led a family from this wretched place. I had to see the sin with my own eyes. You were the one who sent them to face their death! I enjoy my job immensely and bringing the sin here to an end is a thrill I cannot describe. They wanted to rape us, for a smile and a wink,” Natas paused, “I am ready for war, and you should be as well.”  Lucifer disappeared into the darkness. Natas turned back and started for the city.  She tried not to mind his sudden lack of interest in their conversation, but her heart was shattering all over again. She tried to ignore her weakness, and to believe the last words that she spoke to him. After all, she had fire and brimstone to play with.

Author's Note

Looking for feedback! I really want to turn this into a book.

Reviews

[J.A. Darling]

This seems like a really interesting story. I'll start my review off by listing things I think you could improve/edit. Then I'll list all the areas where I thought you did really well.
(Moments later, shouted out to her,) you forgot to say who is shouting to her

"Oops, well we'll have to make do without that," should be written with italics instead of parenthesize to make it clear that it's part of Natas' internal thoughts and not the dialogue.
I also think that you could add more descriptions. Whenever you write a chapter or scene make sure to engage the reader's senses. Describe what the setting smells like, what it looks like, what sounds there are, how certain things feel and taste to the characters.
The way the big man talks to Natas is closer to the way he would talk down to a woman than another man. I point this out because it could lead the reader to forget that Natas is in male form.
(Natas looked back at him with a look of accusation, but he could feel the pain behind her forgiving eyes.) This sentence is somewhat confusing for two reasons. First reason is that "a look of accusation" and "her forgiving eyes" are contradictory. The second is that it temporarily switches the perspective from Natas to Lucifer by showing us how he perceives the look she's giving him. That's fine with 3rd person omniscient but if you're writing in 3rd person limited I would suggest revising.

I found it very interesting that the angels are built in pairs and that Natas was originally paired with Lucifer. That definitely has a lot of potential for some plot thickening goodness down the road.
I also like that the angels personalities are more than just typical lawful good.
I also found your take on why Lot's wife looked back very interesting and original

All in all I think this story has a lot of potential and look forward to reading more

[Colene Pefley]

Perfect! Thank you so much! You're right. i knew there were bits that needed work and you're right. I think I need to describe more of what the angels actually looked like too. I've read that actual story and the men from the town do call out for the angels intending on raping them, so i always pictured them as pretty boys. i don't know. I'll work on that. Thank you again. I will definitely make some revisions.
By the way, the actual book I'm writing takes place in present day, so i was using a story from the Bible as a back story.

[J.A. Darling]

That sounds really interesting I look forward to reading that book

[Coyote Poetry]

Wow. A amazing introduction. I like the story line and the strong character. I like the description of the place and the good conversation. If you write more. Please send read requests.
Coyote

[Colene Pefley]

Thank you so much! I definitely will. i have more of the story, so I will post them in chapters as I finish them.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.