Ball up and go (Aged 22)

Written upon contemplating dropping out again, right before finally graduating college.

Five years of work - are you really thinking of throwing that away?  Two different schools, thousands of dollars, over a fifth of your lifetime, and the effort of descending into depression and hacking your way back out;  that’s more than you ever imagined.  So are you going to put it all to waste?  Because if you freak out now, that’s what the effect will be.  Slack off now, and you can add another achievement to that list.  You’ll now have overcome a failing quarter.  Oh yeah, and broken a promise you set for yourself, and a goal you made.  Don’t do this.

Why else did you come back if not for this?  If not to get that piece of paper, why did you pry yourself out of bed?  Hasn’t this been your plan, your mantra for the past two years?

Look, what you’re going to do after graduation is intimidating; I get it.  It’s especially tenuous because you did what you love at 17 rather than grooming yourself for a place in corporate America.  And it’s rougher still because you’re stubborn, not wanting to go to grad school until you can pay for it.  Two big worries.  Now.  Let’s move on.  You have to finish this before you can start freaking out about all that stuff.  Finish with those kick-a*s grades and that warm, fuzzy feeling of success. 

Now there are some things you need to stop worrying about in general.  First off - don’t become desperate right off the gun.  Remember that you are worthy of a job - you can do it.  You don’t need to w***e yourself out at the first option of making money.  Second - remember what really matters and what doesn’t.  Or, more aptly, decide what matters and what doesn’t.  Is it shameful to live with your parents?  Man, big question.  And one you’ll really have to talk over with them.  You know, it’s what adults do - address problems, that is, rather than letting them fester, get out of control. 

But relax, over all.  Some days you just need to remember how awesome you are.  You have overcome, made it through, and done some cool things.  And f**k those pedants if they disagree: you know that they’re cool.  So you’ve been someone.  The fact that you’re breathing and feeling means that you’re someone right now.  And know. believe. never. ever. doubt. that you will be someone.  Chances are that things aren’t as difficult as you’re making them. 

Little one, you can do it.  Courageous heart, this is your time.  Louise, ball up and go.