Drowning

I know the feeling all too well,

Of water in your throut

As the current pulls you in

and you begen to choke

 

I know what it is like splashing around

And always full of fear

I know what it's like toscream so loud

But no ones there to hear

 

I've felt what you've felt

as you're losing all your breath

And fearing what is to come next

A bleak eternal

 

You stop trying

and as your heart is pounding

you try to sink

But your forever drowning

Reviews

[Lina Grey]

Pretty much all of what I want to say about this Luna already wrote, but, as I'm a bit of a Grammar Nazi, I wanted to point out that in the last line "your" should be "you're". Sorry, that ust always bothers me. The only other thing I saw was that "A bleak eternal" although its a great line and fits the idea of the poem well, it doesn't fit the rhyme scheme you've managed to create so wonderfully. I'm not sure if that was interntional, but I thought I'd point it out.
As Luna said, your poem is easily relatable thanks to your writing it in first person, directed to a spcific someone, "you," and it is very dark and desolate. I find it strange how the tone is so calm and matter-of-factual while explaining something so fatally disturbing. The ending is incredible, as the "you" loses all hope and gives in to the water's ways, only to find even that attempt is in vain, as the torture is slow and never-ending. Brilliant, Amber. Simply brilliant. Thank you.

[Luna Northstar]

I love this poem, it was really heart wrenching and sad. I think many people can relate to the feeling, but the way the poem is written.. the reader can almost feel the way you feel.

I like the way the poem is set up most... It seems that you, the narrator, is talking to someone else. Or at least thinking about someone else.

However, with the last line, you seem to know exactly what 'that person' is feeling, and the reader is drawn to the idea that you are thinking about yourself.

There are only a few typos:

'and you begen to choke'-> begen should either be began or begin.

'i know what it's like toscream so loud'-> toscream should be to scream.


The ending was a like a punch in the stomach, and you can almost feel the momentum change. At first there is a glimmer of hope, but twords the end, there is the feeling of giving up completely.

One of my favorite lines was "I know it too well". It's almost like, maybe without even trying to, your creating an image. The line, at least for me, doubles itself. 'well', being the key word, is what really brings this up... It give me the image of someone drowning in a well. It's funny because, as far as I know, the line doubling itself is unintentional, but I guess thats why it's one of my favorites.

The line, "You try to sink" was absolutely heart wrenching. At that point it's so hopeless you WANT to drown. To get it over with.

But 'your forever drowning' seems to imply that you can't die, but your not even alive anymore....

Sorry I'm reading so much into this, maybe too much, but I really enjoyed reading this poem... there is so much... raw emotion? It makes me feel almost devastated and depressed... It takes a really good writer to make the reader actually FEEL something, so, consider this a compliment =) You're such a good writer Amber =)

100/100