memories. oldd

Fading to Echo.

 

 

 

 

Her words hit me like bullets

Leaving my heart bloodied lying worn down and tired besides my lungs

I struggled for an normal breathe

In and out I sucked in air

Trying to relax

But her insults were wound around my neck

Squeezing shut

Choking me

As I sat in my room

I tried to escape

As smoke filled my lungs

I let my mind slip away

Running wild with stories and fantasys of another life

I was choking on the sad normalicy of my pain

I needed an out.

My cigarette leaked out silver poisoned air

That I swallowed greedily

Trying to relax

But it wasn’t enough.

----------------------------------------------------

It was dark as we roamed around Cerritos

Looking for a party.

Craving trouble

And quivering for release

As we smoked weed to escape reality

We left our sane mind on the streets

The white cocaine entered our nostrils

Numbing our nerves

And blocking all feeling

Laughing insanely we raced through the golden streets

Uncaring about the now the past or our futures

Minutes passed like seconds as my mind struggled to focus

Failing as I sunk into my high

Before I knew it we were at bones

I couldn’t sit still as he and rasta caught up

Trading money for pills

I felt uneasy

Smoking another blunt to calm down

I settled against the bed

My pill burning a hole in my pants

When would I ever stop?

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Linda saw that I hadn’t takin the pill

Her state of mind distorted

She was craving more

As we sipped our beers

She confronted me about it

She wanted it for ourselves

Bones teasing only egged her on

Unable to ease her I let her have half as I swallowed the other

It was too much for her to handle.

An hour later she was sobbing on the floor.

Vomit coated her sweater

Filled the large paper bag of food

It was on the floor soaking the carpet

As me and bonnes struggled to clean up the mess and hush her crying

She started getting angry

As we tried to pull off her sweater and change her into a clean shirt

She fought with bones

Finally cleaned up I held her head in my lap

Reassuring her she wouldn’t die

Telling her I was there

She called me

Her guardian angel.

But I knew she was wrong

I was the one who got her in to this mess

I was one and the same with the devil.

How could I be her angel when I was fighting my own demons?