smoking cigarettes.

I bought another pack.

Friday after i begged god forthe courage to quit i went out again and bought another pack.

outside of class waiting i felt the crave stabbing at my gut.

but i was so sick of the taste.

the bitterness on my tongue, the deep smell in my hair, my clothes my fingertips.

it was suffercating.

my mind was in a battle coming up with reason why i should stay seated there in the cold.

why i should get up and walkacross campus to the store.

but i didnt listen.

my legs got up like they had a mind of their own and set off.

but who am i fooling?

it was at my own will that i pulled the six dollars oout of my wallet along with that id.

my own will that i picked the pack up off thecounter.

why should i lie to god saying im going to quit

if i do not fullfill my promise?

and yet here i am

sitting in this library short of breath

with a heavy box of my sins in my purse and my lighter burning through thepocket of my jeans.

and in two seconds i will get up agan

walk silently through the hall to the world

where i  will sit on the grass

and smoke another cigarette.