tonightt.

dont talk to me tonight

ill stare straight past your eyes

i feel so lost in this

staring out my past my heart

looking in a mirror

hating what ive become

and wen you keep on

pushing past a limit

unseen but there

as sure as there is air

so i type searching for a distraction

hoping my words will hold some kind of attraction

to what my soul is trying to say

im sitting screaming

trying not to hear myself

and my tears pour down

past my floor

slipping into the ground

soaking the earth in my despair

and kids all over

will wonder where

they can go

to feel someone

who will be there

as sure as air

holding them in their hearts

so we sing on

screaming in our ears

we pretend we cant hear.

Reviews

[The Elder Pine]

5 mins huh? Its good, a bit unfocused but lovable and understandable with feeling. I think separating the poem into stanzas would work well for you and there are a few spelling errors but no need to really pick at those for the time being. I can't help but think that you have a great amount of potential writing and that with a little sharpening and the addition of other devices that you could reach that potential. (I'm no authority, just a lover of poems and an aspiring poet.)

[__Flaw__]

and kids all over
will wonder where
they can go
to feel someone
who will be there
as sure as air
holding them in their hearts
so we sing on
screaming in our ears
we pretend we cant hear.

This whole part was so powerfully moving, i felt the terrible fears that kids suffer, unheard ... unattended.
Very good piece i say, and if u have spent only 5 mins on this one as well, u have done a pretty well job. Cheers :)