'Mortal's End'

the inevitable ending

As you would,
Poison my mind, sweet sin!
And lay me in the ground,
against my will.
To coldness,
and darkness.
To only these things.


(google image)

Author's Note

your comments, critics are all welcome

Reviews

[CD Campbell]

I like how you make the connection from the sin that comes within, to death which takes us when we are at our most vulnerable. Great short work. CD

[costa siwale]

always food to hear your review, always encouraging. Thank you friend, much appreciated

[costa siwale]

*always good

[Great Aunt Astri]

I can feel, in your writer's block, that it feels like the end. Coldness and darkness ... who knows? As Shakespeare wrote .."To sleep, perchance to dream." But It seemed apt that your little poem, full of pathos, was short. Now I am sure you can get on and write again. Best wishes.

[costa siwale]

A dire but accurate interpretation...the feeling is that I am at the apex of all that is my poetry, and the words elude me.
thank you for you review

[TheAimlessWanderer]

hmm i really like the whole piece i just feel like you could go even further but overall a great write if you feel that way too feel free to ask for my assistance if you want to i would be glad to help but in all likelihood it was most likely the intention and i just have not seen the truth in the words. keep writing my friend i like your flow and style !

[costa siwale]

you are right, there was supposed to be more, i just got 'writer blocked' with this one. what would you suggest

[TheAimlessWanderer]

sure i can give you a few lines if you like it might help inspire you here it goes i will only give you lines that wont change the already existing text. To only these things bind me in sorrow to the grave. to only these things will keep me with silence to be found free from the mutterings above ground. to only these things i am complete in absence what i once were the dark drips down on me with the falling dirt covering recollections binding me with my brand to bare a remembrance of the sins we share. these are only applicable if your poem is about you losing entirely and becoming corrupted or if your life ended early because of your sinful nature their is currently not enough context for me to interpret but i hope these will help you be inspired as i do not know the intention of your poem and would loved to see it fleshed out hope this helps you Costa Siwale

Chris

[costa siwale]

these are very helpful lines, you pulled the words 'out of my pen' lol. thank you for sharing your thoughts on this Wanderer, very helpful

[TheAimlessWanderer]

you are most welcome my friend they are fairly rough but i hope it is enough to get your pens ink flowing again (:

[EvaThornburn]

Nice read. It really caught my attention. Well penned. Keep writing and I will keep reading them.Eva