This is full of beautiful imagery! Made me feel so peaceful! "Strewn like toys across a blanket" Love that! This has good rhythm and flow, too. Good write! Barbara
The first thing to catch my eye was the word choice. This, I thought, was lovely.
I also noticed the fact that a cliche is rather hard to find.
This I love, mainly in this peice.
You paint a beautiful picture in such a small amount of words. It's great. "Shoe lace constellations." I love finding people who find new ways of saying something - so often I see the same repeated descriptions of the same images, and it's refreshing to find something original. Your writing is inventive, but it is not overly-so, which can be a problem. Your metaphors are within a certain "believability." I guess I'm trying to say that they work, and they work very well. Great poem. I'll be reading more, most definitely.
I'm just a guy, hoping for his 2.7 billion heartbeats.
I try to keep myself busy, or else I start feeling pointless.
I ride my bike a lot.
I try to make a difference.
My words almost always sound .. more..