The Coffin

A dream. The coffin. Written in part Iambic style poetry.

When glancing into the building of life,

The sounds build up in loud silence,

Back and forth, my mind races through the strife,

I question, all “this” because of violence?

A river full of tears cause rapids down my face,

I walk, my eyes start bursting.

I see others giving a long embrace,

I question, who started the cursing?

A step nearer the coffin, my heart sinks,

I cannot see in front of me,

Into the coffin my eye blinks,

The body, of me, how could this be?

I begin to run in circles,

Ghastly my mouth opens with a shrieking scream,

Awake I came, I notice my room,

Luckily it was all just a dream.

Reviews

[Phantom Heart]

Whew! I like the ending. It was an intense poem. I enjoyed the read. I think you did a great job.

[Corwin T.]

Thank you!!! I might make a few changes to the flow of things before its all said and finished, but thank you!

[Nix]

A great illustration of a nightmare. You use very good adjectives that help bring the dream to life. It can be awkward at times though, take for example the first three lines. If you changed the last two words to words with fewer syllables it would be much less awkward. A very good start to a poem. Just change up the rhythm a bit and it will be amazing!

[Corwin T.]

Over the next few weeks I am looking at making those type of changes...So stay posted. Thank you for your in depth review!