What I'm Lacking.

When I was made up something was messed up.
I was made without one particular, important thing.
This is my error, my deformity.
I was born without the ability to forgive myself.

When I do something wrong, I hate myself for it.
And I hold grudges for a very, very long time.
Against myself.

It feels bad to be in this situation.
Is self-forgiveness something learned from friends?
Or something acquired?
Or something you're born with?
If the latter is true, I'm in a bad state.
I wasn't born with it, and I haven't learned anything of it yet.
And I can't keep friends long enough to be taught by them.