Lost friends

Many losses over the years

Friends. Nobody can truly know who would stay for the long haul and who wouldn't.

And, but a true fact.

In my short almost 19 years (22 more days!), I have learnt many things. Everyone's life, no matter how different we wish we were, is very much similar. Like in genetics, I never said that we were identical, I said similar (so don't get all prissy with me). No one wants to admit it, but it is the sad truth. Due to our egocentric nature, we wish to believe that "no one understand a how I feel right now" or "I'm the only person who is this way". I'm sorry to break it to whoever actually takes the time to read this, but no, contrary to popular belief, you are not much different from the person next to you (thank you uni for making me increasingly cynical).

I have had many types of friends. Most of them, sad to say, I lose along the way. I'm just not much of a confident person. Or a trusting person for that matter. I've had friends who are dead, seasonal friends, friends who just use and manipulate me. Once in a while, I come across the few lucky gem friends. Those who have seen me cry, made me cry, been in the presence of my flatulence, are awfully rude to me, and even occasionally do the random established things with (like making the rash decision of chopping off our beautiful locks).

I've had a friend who committed suicide. It has been close to 4 years (~12 days to her death anniversary), and none of us have gotten over the loss. She was a great friend. Scratch that. She was the best. Life stopped for me that day. She had her flaws as we all do. But she had the biggest heart. She was always there for you. Listening and caring and even just smiling. And then she was gone. Just like that. The sad part is that I could have done more. I should have seen the signs. Should have. The worst part is that the only reason why I suddenly decided to try and contact her (it was the holidays) was because my birthday was coming up and I wanted to do something with her. She had given me hope in my darkness, and all I had done was be egocentric. I was the bad friend. But then again, she didn't talk to anyone about it. No one knew anything. We were all she'll shocked. And it still hurts.

I've had countless seasonal friends. They tend to be the ones who (in the most cliché terms ever) backstab. Ive had too many of this kind of friends. I must just be a bad judge of character. They use you. They use you for whatever it is they want or need. Then they drop you. When you need them, it's always "stop being a drama queen" or "you're just over reacting and making something out of nothing". Lovely. These are the people that make us sour and bitter inside. I should know. For all you know, we're all guilty of being this friend as well.

Finally, you have those gems. Those friends that are way too hard to come by. You may start of hating the person's guts, or just being so similar you swear you guys are secretly related. Either way, they've always got your back. It might be a relationship of tough love, but at least it's a healthy relationship of give and take. Hold on to them. Don't let them go. Solve the problems that arise. Never brush them aside. That just leads to possible friendship doom.

LGM