Why?

How are you?
Mind: I’m depressed, unwanted, I’m the second choice, I’m never enough, I don’t have the right body, I’m too skinny, I’m not strong enough, I’m ugly, I want to die. Help me.
Me: I’m Fine thanks for asking.
Why?
Why is it that when people ask me how I am, I hide my true feelings. Because if I said that all and that “I’m not okay” they would most likely say, “it’s just sadness. You’ll be over it in a few days.”
But I’m still not over it when my friend took his life a few years ago.
Tell me. If it’s “just” sadness why hasn’t it gone away yet?
Why is it still here?
Eating me alive day after day.
Depression is not sadness
If anything they are completely different
Sadness is an emotion that leaves me weak. but depression?
Depression is like a disease knawimg at me from the inside no antidote just endless amounts of pills.
It wants to be let out
The demons want to be free
But you can’t let them out
For the fear ond reality of if you do you are a freak.
A misfit.
Something that went wrong.
A mistake.

So yes! I have an illness.
An illness that can’t be cured by anti depressants.
Stop sending me off to counselors
I don’t want to talk to strangers
I don’t want to take pills to be happy
Because taking pills is just showing that I have to fake happiness
and I don’t want to talk about my thoughts.
Why?
Because sometimes my mind is just the safest place.

Author's Note

Constructive criticism is welcome.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Year ago I lost my mind. The Army gave me some pills. Made me worst. In the end, I tossed the pills away and I went to the gym. Fixed myself.
"So yes! I have an illness.
An illness that can’t be cured by anti depressants.
Stop sending me off to counselors
I don’t want to talk to strangers
I don’t want to take pills to be happy
Because taking pills is just showing that I have to fake happiness
and I don’t want to talk about my thoughts.
Why?
Because sometimes my mind is just the safest place."
The above lines. true. We must fix ourselves. Thank you my friend for sharing your amazing story and your thoughts.
Coyote

[Rasheem]

You hit depression right on the money! I too have been dealing with depression and its really tough to deal with. In fact the only perk it has for me is fearlessness but still that is a pretty good gift/curse to have in this cold world we live in.

[Chris]

Nothing to criticize... you nailed the view all on your own.

[Cookee korczynski]

Thank you so much

[barleygirl]

To me, one of the best ingredients for good writing is honesty. I don't think I've ever read a more honest description of how it feels to be depressed. I've been depressed about half my life & here is how I make the distinction. Sadness is due to something that actually has happened, justified bad feelings. Depression is when I have everything to feel good about & I still feel down. It's nothing like sadness. Many times it's rage. But I do better when I'm alone & I also do not want to take meds (even tho I did for 4 years, along with therapy). I decided to make friends with my illness & stop fighting it. On the days I feel yukky, I just go within & get thru it. Sorry for taking over this message. Hopefully you will see how much your words resonate for me (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie