deep in it

his locked eyes, begin to drown my insides and he’s only known me for quite some time  

I told him he’s in for a surprise, as I sip on this wine and fantasize 

I want you to be mine, in the middle of the night is when she’s most alive 

lets lay down and pretend my bedroom ceiling is the dark blue sky 

she hates when it’s time to say goodbye, and it’s known that you take me higher than any drug 

it’s a Saturday night and she’s lovesick when we kiss it reminds me of noni jean in that chick flick

you are the one I pick, and when we’re apart it still feels like we’re in sync 

I know you don’t like when I over-drink, and we both equally hate it when I overthink 

but I promise you I’ll be there no matter how hard things get, and I’m happy that we decided to take a shot at this 

they tell me you’ll never know the exact moment when your life changes, but I knew the moment we started flipping through these pages

its crazy I’m the one you considered dating, some nights I wish life was more carefree, and I was somewhere extremely faded

and at times when I’m feeling jaded, I won’t hesitate to search for some stimulation 

I know I’ll always be your favourite, one who's always kept you captivated 

and you forever leave my heart racing, you’re charm and wit, far from calling it quits, because I’m so deep in it 

 

 

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I very much enjoyed your riffing & rhyming spiel that feels musical & "rap-like" (for lack of a better word!) Good use of word sounds, as well as rhyme. I like the way this tells a story that mostly makes sense (with a few tangents) . . . for me, that's better than the riffing that seems random. You use great details! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Suhd]

This is so lovely. Unique and skillful. Like it a lot! You used a distinct expression to say all those things lovers usually say and feel when they're together, that's so special about this poem.

[conversations with her pen..]

literally spot on...

im glad you enjoyed this, thank you.

[Onyia-Ali, Kingsley Chu..]

You really captured a deep love sensation. What really makes an individual sticks to his lover must be charming - that is what made the personality glaring. Well crafted, Jada.

[conversations with her pen..]

thank you, i appreciate you taking the time to review this.

[Nipplegrinder]

A very tender depiction of a personal story. I liked this a great deal.

[conversations with her pen..]

thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[Nipplegrinder]

You're quite welcome. Hope you'll enjoy some of my offerings, too.
:)

[AliceBarnes]

A beautiful poem that was beautifully written! I loved it! I honestly just decided to see what works you had done and randomly picked this, I am so glad I did. Words can't describe how deeply this touched me, I just enjoyed every second of reading this. Other than the odd capital letter (I know you said about grammar in your poems and how you like your poems to have a raw feel to them so) I can't find any mistakes. I loved the line "i know i’ll always be your favourite, one who's always kept you captivated and you forever leave my heart racing, you’re charm and witt, far from calling it quits, because I’m so deep in it" because that was just such a beautiful ending to a lovely little poem! I just loved how you made some of the words rhyme, while choosing the right moments so that it rhymed nicely and didn't go over the top with it. Very well done and I will be definitely adding this poem to my favorites list.

[conversations with her pen..]

i really appreciate you taking the time to review this, and I'm glad you stumbled upon this one. this is one of my favourites i recently wrote, so thank you and I'm glad you enjoyed the ending as well.

[KCthelastboyscout]

A passionate intimate poem detailed in the finest way.reading these words makes me come alive inside.there is joy giving yourself away to.pure desire

[conversations with her pen..]

thank you, i love your interpretation.. glad you enjoyed it!

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

(Pure Rhymes) Hi Jada & welcome! Great form, flow, beat, rhyme pattern and musicality to this poem. Would love to hear it sung or spoken. Love the ‘riff’ and daydream stream of it. Great!

[conversations with her pen..]

thank you for taking the time to read it, everything you mentioned is what i was going for.. spot on!

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

You’re so welcome. You are very talented!

[{A}shley {B}lack @-;-]

A beautiful poem could almost be a song brilliant visualisation and you have a great rhythm throughout I'm not going to critique the grammer as most raw emotions don't require derivity just a great job I look forward to reading more of your work

[conversations with her pen..]

its crazy you say this because when i finished this piece, i tried singing certain parts a little. but thank you and I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[{A}shley {B}lack @-;-]

no problem check out some of my work