deep in it

his locked eyes, begin to drown my insides and he’s only known me for quite some time  

I told him he’s in for a surprise, as I sip on this wine and fantasize 

I want you to be mine, in the middle of the night is when she’s most alive 

lets lay down and pretend my bedroom ceiling is the dark blue sky 

she hates when it’s time to say goodbye, and it’s known that you take me higher than any drug 

it’s a Saturday night and she’s lovesick when we kiss it reminds me of noni jean in that chick flick

you are the one I pick, and when we’re apart it still feels like we’re in sync 

I know you don’t like when I over-drink, and we both equally hate it when I overthink 

but I promise you I’ll be there no matter how hard things get, and I’m happy that we decided to take a shot at this 

they tell me you’ll never know the exact moment when your life changes, but I knew the moment we started flipping through these pages

its crazy I’m the one you considered dating, some nights I wish life was more carefree, and I was somewhere extremely faded

and at times when I’m feeling jaded, I won’t hesitate to search for some stimulation 

I know I’ll always be your favourite, one who's always kept you captivated 

and you forever leave my heart racing, you’re charm and wit, far from calling it quits, because I’m so deep in it 

 

 

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I very much enjoyed your riffing & rhyming spiel that feels musical & "rap-like" (for lack of a better word!) Good use of word sounds, as well as rhyme. I like the way this tells a story that mostly makes sense (with a few tangents) . . . for me, that's better than the riffing that seems random. You use great details! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Coyote Poetry]

This is poetry dear Jada. You brought the reader in and made them want to know more. Your words tempting and wonderful. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[BlackPrince]

You definitely got a unique approach to poetry.
I like your unique perspective on things, which is what writing or any other art should be about.
This has a nice flow to it.
I have the feeling that you also can rap and probably sing; because you certainly got rhythm and flow.
I 100% believe that WE poets have music in our DNA. Even when we compose a poem on paper, aloud or in our head, it's the musicality we work with mentally; and we get that special feeling when we know that a poem looks good, sounds good, feels good.
Keep it up!

[conversations with her pen..]

Wow.. I really appreciate this constructive feedback from you. I agree with you 100% in regards to your outlook on art in general. I used to sing back then and picked up writing a long the way. Something i just can't live without.

So thank you & I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[Tony]

Nice work! Like others have said it does sound like a song. Maybe you have song writing in your future! Keep it up.

[conversations with her pen..]

thank you, i appreciate your feedback!

[Unspoken poet]

Kinda cute and kinda smirk worthy as well in a certain place. I REALLY enjoyed this write. awesome write.

[conversations with her pen..]

thank you, im glad you really enjoyed it!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

This has a conversational tone to it. It is almost letter like in its set out as it expresses the conflicts that spring up even in good relationships.

[Ella]

Beautiful. It had a really good flow.
The poem made me feel like I was reading lyrics for a song. That's a good thing in my opinion. It means it had a nice rhythm to it.

[conversations with her pen..]

thank you!

[Stephen]

A poem that brief's the jaded romanticism of one's love to another in few words of wine. Nice imagery here... beautifully well structured, & re-phrased with acoustic rhyme. Would be looking forward to reading your poetry soon.

[conversations with her pen..]

thank you stephen :)

[Moonie]

This has a distinctive musical quality to it..I can almost imagine Taylor Swift singing it... I would advise that you should fair it out with capitalization and correct pronunciation, as they would make it more visually appealing. Other than that, it sounds fantastic! Good writing!

[conversations with her pen..]

thank you

glad you enjoyed it!

[Malcolmveli]

"you are the one i pick, and when we’re apart it still feels like we’re in sync

i know you don’t like when i over-drink, and we both equally hate it when i overthink "


I like the conversational approach you took with this poem. Its really relaxed and in the pocket

[conversations with her pen..]

im glad you liked those specific lines, this is probably one of my favourite poems i've wrote in awhile!

and thank you for reviewing

[Malcolmveli]

You're Welcome