In 20 seconds..

I can feel the cold steel knife

against my skin

Within it's blade it holds my life.

 

In twenty seconds, I will die

 

I hear water dripping in a bucket

as it counts the last seconds of my life.

while the knife gently touches my chest by my silver locket.

 

20, 19, 18, 17...

 

The locket was given to me by my love.

A tear falls in remembrance of my old life.

Soon it was shattered from the rustling of feathers from a dove.

 

16, 15, 14, 13...

 

The cold knife sends chills down my spine.

the knife taunts me that I'm a coward.

Then, he calmly starts to cut me like I'm a swine.

12, 11, 10, 9, 8.....

 

All I see is red

7, 6, 5...

The tears start to fall

4...

My breathing starts to slow down

Soon...3, 2, 1....

I'm dead.

Author's Note

What do you think??

Reviews

[Angelic_Dreamer]

I found it very uncanny if you ask me in a good way. It was a little well demontic in a way and pretty Scream 4ish(take out the suicide I think in the movie). I wonder what you were thinking when u wrote the story(seriously thats a good question not a hurtful one). Good Job but you sort of scared me there on the first line a weebit

[The Invisible Girl]

I'm sorry if I freaked you out a little bit...:( I'm not really sure why I wrote it...truthfully I just started writing it...I wasn't trying to get be demonic...

[Angelic_Dreamer]

its fine it was still enjoyable in a way atleast its a good thing that you didn't mean to be demontic I sometimes enjoy scary things but not when it occurs in life now thats just really eerie

[The Invisible Girl]

Plus, I didn't write this because I have suicidal thoughts! I am very happy with my life and I have God too. At least you did enjoy it except for the eeriness/creepiness of it! :)

[Angelic_Dreamer]

I'm glad u are religious. God is amazing isn't he?What a wonderful world he created for us...full of marvelous writers that he created like u:)

[The Invisible Girl]

Yes, God is marvelous! :D And don't forget you are one of those awesome writers too! :)

[Angelic_Dreamer]

thanks whatever u say I guess I'll try to agree

[Rahul]

This poem encourages me but makes emotional too. The tittle's not good, the tittle should be this "I'M DEAD IN 20 SECONDS" because this' write's well penned and i don't want any criticism here except your tittle. If you think your tittle is right for you then i don't have any query with that.
I realized some pain and sentiments in 20 SECONDS..lol, this write could be convert into a book with the tittle "DEATH IN 2O SEC.", if you write books too then you can write one book on this tittle but if you write, you had to do hard and hard work to make some characters here to make your book interesting, thrilling to read. And, you can write this book on this genre "Thrill". you can put some adventure as well if you want.
The piece really encourages me too to write one book on this, but if you write then to me you can make some good characters than me. In 2O SEC. what we want from our life and how we can live our live or die in 20 sec. you visualized me to see this pic. without my "Projector"..lol If i had 20 sec. to live or to doe, i'd like to remember my god only, (not because i worry from die but i want to go in heaven after death..lol)

nicely penned, enjoyed this writing and i wish you'll soon try to make one book on it.

[The Invisible Girl]

Thanks for the review! :) I'm not sure if I could write a mystery/thriller book, but I can try someday. :)

[Rahul]

Foresure, you can.
but i'd wish you will until the earth got die or some kinda disaster from sky could eat this earth..lol
yes, you can write some thrilling one because this poem has given me some ideas to this and that's why i told you to write because your imaginary is great in your this theme and according to me you can write or you can make some kinda good stuff to read than me. I know i can make this write but you can make is in a better way than me. I can visualize how much talent you have. I know there's need to flourish you in writings but you can do it yourself by practising.

My all best wishes are with you to write this book and i hope when you'll make this book you won't read that book alone, hope you'd love to share it with me to read..lol

All the best :)

[The Invisible Girl]

Will do! Again thank you so much! :)

[AlwaysCasey]

well that was depressing. but it was well written and quite captivating.

[The Invisible Girl]

Thanks! I wanted to try something new. :)

[Euro]

I gotta tell you...this kinda threw me off! I'm not really used to this when it comes to your poems but nevertheless it was a very good read.
Keep it up!
-Penelope H.

[The Invisible Girl]

Thanks! I wanted to try something different. :)

[Euro]

You're welcome, you did a good job with this :)

[The Invisible Girl]

Thanks! ^-^

[Katrina Saaresto]

I could feel the coldness in your words! I have never read anything like this coming from you! This is a whole new thing to me and it kinda surprises me as to why your wrote this. I mean, I'm not saying it's bad or anything but it's out of the ordinary from what I used to reading coming from you. The one thing that is constant in this poem and in your other poems is that the emotions stay strong and equal from beginning to end.
Keep it up,
KS

[The Invisible Girl]

Thanks! That means a lot! :)

[Nick.B]

This is a "fresh" new approach of a dark poem, interesting how you created this poem, how you counted and detailed while every time after counting...great poem, well done

[The Invisible Girl]

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it! :)

[RachelReaper]

Chilling! I loved the way you made it like a countdown as it made it more fear inducing. Great job with this!

[The Invisible Girl]

Thanks! :D

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

woww!
movie-material!
really
im floored

[The Invisible Girl]

Thanks! Glad you liked it! :D

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

honest

[krish]

it's diiffferent............such a deep feeling's r here.....
i wanna give u 97./100.............
really this is a nice work..........
hey....one more thing....ur's new wll. pic. is too nice.....
have a nice-day.

[The Invisible Girl]

Thanks for reading! :D

[krish]

it's cool.........ur's word;s alway's give me new to read ......
i really enjoy ur's all poetry's ............

[The Invisible Girl]

Well, thank you! I really appreciate that. Your poems are enjoyable to read,too! :D

[krish]

really.....may b u'd love my all new poem's that i've published recently......

[The Invisible Girl]

Sure. I will tried to read some of your poems, soon!! :)

[krish]

wow.great.....thanks' ...to give me ur's time to read my poem's.....i hope u'd like + love = enjoy...........

[krish]

I hope u'd like cozzzzzzz.....in my new poem's i've written reality.......
now let's see..can u see my reality or not...........???????

[jemaral]

I would very much like to know what inspired you to write this piece. Its amazing not to mention the choice of fonts heh nice one.

[The Invisible Girl]

Truthfully I'm not sure. I just started writing. Please don't think I was writing this a a demonic sense or that I'm suffering from suicidal thoughts. Thanks for reading though! :)

[jemaral]

of course not.... but that also make this an even more amazing you were able to make this so gripping and realistic without actually having the thoughts and emotion of the subject matter. really solid work.