Sapphire Dreams

Poetry and Lyrical Challenge Group... Title and theme of blue mist given.

Darkness, he slithered slowly in,
'til all trace of light had been swallowed,
leaving nothing more to be done than
slam shut my eyes and see what followed

I, never having aspired to dream,
(for in my youth nightmares plagued me)
suddenly found myself walking on air...
a shroud of blue mist now all I could see

Out of the mist came thousands of eyes
pale sapphire orbs dispossessed, faceless
my heart began swiftly, irregularly beating;
each stride I took felt daft and graceless

My inner child had perhaps been reborn,
allowing those hauntings of old back inside;
my soul felt exposed before a thousand gazes
and so I surged onward, propelled by fear's tide

I fell a great height o'er cliffs unseen,
into a fathoms deep lake of placid azure;
unable to swim, yet somehow still afloat
I feared not to drown in water so pure

As a matter of fact I was rather content,
could have wafted about for forever as such,
'til thundering forth from behind a cloud
came voices I knew and had never liked much

Self-Doubt, Reservation, Confusion and Hate
had escaped from my own mind to chide me;
slinging their worst upon my trunk, cold as hail,
they used all power possessed to deride me

Finally too heavy, I then felt myself slipping
submerged all too quickly, as, alas, my breath lost
for ones weaker self is a far greater threat
than all other obstacles man must accost

For what seemed many years, I warred myself...
of course, I alone was bound for success.
Beleaguered, guileless, at last I swooned,
wondering  what more could be left to address

The world around me was dim and sparse-
funny, nothing seemed to be real, yet now,
I realized I'd been asleep much longer
than I ever had dreamed of before... and how?

Thinking such, I at once saw the answer
within the flashing blink of one eye:
my earthly shell lied miles below in a box;
I, all that was truly me, lived now in the sky

The ultimate sleep, the unwakable dream
certainly can take a soul by surprise;
I choose what I am, and so I'm blue mist-
at last they are open, these sapphire eyes

Author's Note

I felt like telling a story with this one...
I'm not happy with the second to last stanza... any suggestions on how to fix the meter/flow without losing the meaning or the abcb rhyme?

Reviews

[Lorraine]

I like the story and the way it was told. There were so many points raised here, and all of them are things so close to reality. I especially like the way you smoothly maneuvered to the ending. Personally, I think it was brilliant and creative.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[Ruth]

I like that stanza lol

Powerful write sweety, again, metaphors are wonderful:) xx

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

From beginning to end you had me entranced... especially after reading this...

I, never having aspired to dream,
(for in my youth nightmares plagued me)
suddenly found myself walking on air...
a shroud of blue mist now all I could see

in life and love we can always plan but life will still enforce its will with sweet surprises... this whole poem is a magical look at the way life will bring great things when least expected, particularly love.
I am addicted to your poetry, you rank right up there with Jewel.

[Poetic Beauty]

That was a beautiful poem. The flow to me is easy to follow. You have done a great job on this one.

[just rose.]

This packs a punch at the end. The way that you weave the narrative in such a way that one almost feels a sense of traveling further, and further, is stunning especially in light of the (quite unexpected for me) ending. I like that big themes come up throughout this poem, and then you realize why that is so! This has some echoes of Emily Dickinson. As for your second-to-last, I thought it read just fine, but maybe could pick up some more flow by using polysyllabic words? The last two lines of that stanza provide more of a staccato feeling perhaps from the tight word choices. But altogether: great poem.