Peer Inward (the Koi's Song)

For the Creative Poetry group... had to use the words: humidity, coincidental, indigo, enticement, waves, shards... in a poem about any kind of water.

Enticement of elusive golden flashes,
silvery slivers disappear beneath ripples,
soft waves reflecting rings of indigo skies
out of self-inflicted solitude seduced by
sashaying shards of sunlight: come
near, now listen, no such thing exists
as whole silence, for we will whisper
gliding below the gloam, caroming
within the humidity of this humble haven

Abruptly, the koi's fin-wake, like felt against
blown glass, fleetingly, free-ing-ly audible
to the coincidental, cloying ear contrived
to remove, to rectify the last resolves
of I, who dared at last to pause-- peer inward

Reviews

[Indigo Eyes]

Awesome writing! I love the colors you did. Very artsy. This is a great poem. The way you wrote it I can picture it perfectly. I love this.

[Aimee Mahathy]

Oh my god I loved this! I simply adore koi fish! *o* They're my favourite part of going to the Chinese buffet, aside from the food. They're just so beautiful and sophisticated, for a fish, you know? They're so graceful~
Your poem describes them so perfectly and with such delicacy that would only fit the koi.
This is amazing! Thank you for sharing this!

[Journey]

You make me think of the koi pond in my hometown. They were such beautiful fish with unique personalities Thanks for bringing that memory to the surface.

[SK Woodiwiss]

Fantastic. Meant to be whispered to yourself so as to HEAR this wonderful language. So much movement so visual.
Thank you

[just rose.]

This is gorgeous. Your deft use of rhyme and half-rhyme here remind me of the brilliant line structure of Gerard Manley Hopkins, and that is high praise as he is one of my favorite poets. Well done Constance.

[~*_Michelle_*~]

Wonderful poem. I like the color scheme. Haha. And the rhythm was extrodinary. Me, being 13...Usually this type of stuff brings of no interest to me. But this caught my eye from line one. Terriffic job:)
~IWBB

[Francez]

Wow, I'm impressed. You have used all those words to make a poem that make sense and beautiful in rhythm and meter. Love it!

[Poetic Beauty]

This is yet another wonderful poem. You used the words and incorporated the challenge wonderfully in the is poem. It is a beautiful poem to read. Thank you for sharing it with us.

[Ed Hart]

well, it's sure nice to watch a pretty girl doing her warm ups...