Mother (A Poem in Memory)

Can you hear my voice, mother, where you are?
I know it is no longer cast aside by the demons
Who used to run rampant in your mind
Shouting so loud that no one else could enter
Hacking down all emotion- even love for your child
Even then, the last I saw you, small as I was, I could see them
Right there behind your eyes when they would change
Into black holes, hollow, devoid of matter and life
When your mind overtook your better senses

The night the phone call told me that you died,
Clasping my own beautiful angel in my arms,
I thought I heard your laughter, and not as in your life-
Not that cold, emotionless, witch's laugh-
A warm, bubbling laugh, a laugh of peace, freedom
I think the hand of death liberated you, let you fly
Absolved you of your sin and slew the demons
I think you CAN hear me, as I tell you now that in life
I wasn't allowed to love you, because you couldn't...
No, you couldn't love me, because you couldn't feel
Not like "normal" people do, and yet
You were my mother and not loving you
It felt like a crime, and I punished myself for years

Happy Mother's Day Mom.
I'm giving you, as your gift, the knowledge
That I never really blamed you, that I always knew
You would have loved me, had you had the chance
I'm telling you that I knew there was something good in you,
Something warm and maternal and nurturing that never
Was allowed to take root in us until now
I'm telling you that now, I love you, because I'm old enough
To understand, and I know the love I have for my own
My own precious daughter who looks so much like the both of us
She continues your bloodline, the better parts of it
Those parts you gave to me that I feel blessed for

Thank you, mother.
Thank you for choosing to give me life, at the loss
Of your own sanity, and your own ability to love
Thank you for not aborting me as you'd once thought you would
And for not pushing yourself into my life, making me have to live with you
Which would have destroyed me, all told, piece by piece
I thank you for not making me look at those black holes
That were your eyes, more than once
Thank you, mother, for letting me live in peace
A peace that I know is now yours, no longer imprisoned
In a mind that disallowed you to love me

Reviews

[Crowley]

Moving...beyond reproach and beyond review. I was certainly touched.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

A mother's sacrifice is the greatest gifts a child receives... I am sorry to hear what your mom went through... as you know she is at peace now and no doubtedly smiling down on you with great pride. She gave you life and now lives on through you.