Pennies: I Want Champagne

Just a quick poem for a challenge over at the forum of the Vicious Circle, which I had to try after I read Damian's. The end lines were all given: shine, ground, line, sound, sneaking, master, freaking, faster, hope, four, cope, tore. champagne, refrain.

These pennies used to brightly shine
Before trodden deep into the ground;
Old dreams, slightly askew, yet in line
Being stepped on, utter not a sound.

Yet a feeling within , silently sneaking
Whispers of the fate I could not master
For in my youth I was too busy freaking
And since that time, time's moved faster.

 

Rapidly squelched were dirty rumors of hope.
Ah, those coins... really, there are only four!
Surely I should have had fortitude to cope
Even though my pale soul, the masses tore.

I've known only beer; I want champagne!
I'm tired of this same melancholy refrain!

Author's Note

Since the end lines were given, I probably won't bother too much with this, since it's a bit limited in scope. I'm just the kind who has to try my hand at any challenge.

Reviews

[Solst Rapture]

Wrecking the day, dulling the shine
hitting me with failure, still firmly stood on the ground;
Looking past you, hoping I'm not behind you in this forsaken line
If you are giving up, get out, without a sound.


I'm done sneaking
Now I am throwing my arms around, I want to be the master
composed, never again the victim, freaking
falling forever, my breathing getting faster.

It's finally quiet, full of frozen hope.
It's time to dance suddenly, once more - it's four!
What do you think of my mind, shall we try to cope
Stop running from me, I'm so raw I feel tore.


It won't be long before I'm back, pour the champagne!
Don't ever tell yourself again, you'll refrain!


Straight off the cuff, and fun too.

[Natasha Ashway]

I just read Kena's review and it's funny I didn't really think of pennies, beer and champagne as metaphors for men. I was thinking along the lines of general hope and expectation - the sadness of too much disappointment, the despair of recurring disillusionment. I guess that's what's been on my mind for a while.
And maybe your headline stuck in my mind i.e. your leaving dreams behind and now living in harsh reality.
Harsh reality kills me. Seriously. All those parts where my desires are yet unhatched. Scary!
So I'll continue to walk on the wire, trudge along my path of dreams, feel in my pockets for my pennies and hold out my tongue for ... champagne :-)
Well, I guess that's my take.
Interesting read. Glad I came across it and thanks for sharing.

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

Nice way of describing gettting better men in your life, in a poetic fashion, using the metaphor of pennies or "I don't beer, i want champagne!"

thanks for sharing.

[holly]

Nice work coping with those word selections. You and Damian inspire me to try a challenge. Just not this one, clever though it is. It would freak me out. It's too freakin' hard. Nyah, nyah DAG.

[cyanskye]

I know what you mean about challenges, they really give the brain a work-out. I especially like the last two lines.

[Damian Alan Gray]

Bah! Mine was sexier! ;-p
Nice job, considering we were forced to incorporate the word "freaking" into the poem. Who uses freaking in their vocabulary? I hate the word freaking. It freaking freaks me out.

[Ralphy]

And always does such a fine job...

[Constance]

Honestly, could I think of no better way to use the word freaking? LOL. That was a tough one.