Marys, Janes and Automobiles; Driving Stoned/Baked Behind The Wheel

Do you drive stoned? I know I have (and do).

I still sort of remember the first time I drove drunk. My 1989 Ford Bronco, all of the world's citizens and myself succeeded the endeavor unscathed thankfully. I could have killed someone for Christ-sake. I don't even remember most of it. I was so fucked-up.

Absinthe and Orgasms.

What a miraculous evening. The Irish Cream, Coffee and Amaretto was like bad wallpaper on the inside of my esophagus. The kind of wallpaper you see when cleaning out your Great-Grandmother's house after her funeral, with raised printed flowers and little leaves with stems ending as if they had been forever-severed from their roots.

There was a party at my friends' Dirty and Fuzzy's place coming up. Word had swept the neighborhood that these two engineering-geniuses had stolen a construction-pylon and magically-crafted it into a booze-gagging funnel-of-death. The two delightfully-gave rise to their new creation for debauchery by titling it "The Hellcat".

So wouldn't you know it, I decided to funnel Dirty's Orgasms while Fuzzy held his Hellcat Hose down my throat. It was spiritually-enlightening, really.

The absinthe and coffee I was into had me carved-up something fierce and floated me into an out-of-body mental-state of simulated-intelligence and feebly-advised outspoken-drunken-wisdom.

I just wouldn't shut up. The caffeine from the Orgasms kept my heart pounding and my brain actively-throbbing with rarely-thunk thoughts.

My drunk friends gradually began to disappear into the sleepiness of the darkness, that dewy morning in September 2000. The ones who remained awake, tired noticeably of my undulating and absinthe-absorbed blabbering-tones. Dirty and me remained, drunk-as-f**k.

Extreme caffeinated-alertness foretasted the realization of myself being annoying to my peers. Dirty was digging it though. But this mixed-feeling presented illusion-competency and self-assurance when I pondered making the 5 minute drive home.

I did it, with future-regret. Unfortunately, it's happened a half-a-dozen or more times in my life.

Until I 'earned' my Federal Marijuana license in Ontario a while back, breaking the law through illegal-purchase anyhow, I drove stoned every day. I just figured, I'm breaking the law to buy it anyhow so, "F**k em'". Wow, how I have grown.

Is drinking and driving comparable to blazing and driving? Maybe not.

Lately, through honest self-reflection, my wife and I have decided that it is best for me not to drive. I still have a driving license but by default, my wife is driving-chief.

My 5 gram/Day Marijuana license keeps me pretty stoned at all hours. In order to experience the full potential of my medicine, it's best I don't operate heavy equipment and just relax.

However, consuming a s**t-ton of Cannabis doesn't necessarily mean I'm 'stoned'.

Here's why.

Cannabidiol. CBD, is one of predominantly active cannabinoids in Marijuana.

Tetrahydrocannabinol, or THC is the Cannabinoid that makes you're priorities out-of-character.

THC provides the sheer-joy of uncontrollable giggles while brewing interest in the art of snacking-hard.

Have you ever tried to drive, baked, while eating a spicy hoagie and laughing about some cloud in the sky that looks like just your mom, staring and watching you judgmentally? THC is not suitable for driving.

Well, as all stoner-drivers swear, "I'm fine man". I find that going 110km/hr in a 100km/hr zone is like riding a 60 foot Waikiki wave when I'm baked. I'm so nervous that I don't speed at all.

If I'm fried behind the wheel, I silence the radio and drive in silent-nervous-caution. Safe or not safe? Yes, I'm not inclined to speed due to my chill-buzz. Maybe I'm not as inclined to road-rage or to partake in driving-related violence. And yes, it could be that being a little paranoid behind the wheel is a good idea.

Bad news Toking Tony: It has been scientifically proven that THC slows your response-stimuli to varying degrees.

So your baked-skull and increased-nervousness, albeit more conscientious and considerate, is not as safe as your motor-raging sober-consciousness because of your slower rise-to-action.

The phrase "baked-stupid" can now be applied to law. Simply put, when you're high, you're not as sharp. It doesn't matter how extra-cautious you are. It's science.

CBD however gives better function to disorganized brainwaves. Anxiety can cause this disorganization. So can stress, seizure disorders and depression.

Have you ever been manically-depressed and tried to drive safely? Maybe you have tried to have a safe and relaxing cruise whilst in the middle of a lung-draining panic attack.

CBD does not get you 'stoned' and make you at-risk of losing control into a laughing-fit. It relaxes you. It increases self-control.

There is no good reason why someone who is prescribed Medical Marijuana, whose symptom's are relieved from CBD, should have restrictions about driving while medicated.

All the lifelong potheads reading this are still hung up on how I said THC does not make you a safer driver. It's true, while baked you are slower to anger and less likely to speed. But, I'm sure you realize that car crashes can happen pretty quickly. That split-second delay in your reaction-time to something bad happening could mean injury or death to you or those involved.

You could end up with a "Baked-Stupid and Driving" ticket on your record.

What I propose to all lawmakers, law-keepers and criminal-wranglers is this. Driving under the influence of Marijuana should be rephrased. Driving under the influence of CBD-dominant weed should be legal. In fact, the law's wording should be absent of the word "Cannabis". Driving under the influence of THC, specifically, should be against the law and considered unsafe by the public.

The science to detect, decipher and evaluate these Cannabinoids and their prevalence in one's bloodstream during a road-side test is paramount.

There is a lot of weed out there without THC present in formidable amounts. We can all blaze and still be as safe as possible behind the wheel.

This means that good old 'CBD Smoking Clive' shouldn't be arrested just because his car smells like Otto's jacket.

"Got a THC-Mind? Rewind And Don't Drive"

"CBD-Spree? Let's Drive And Be Free!"

Stay Clean, Stay Green.

Conshinz

Author's Note

Your're like so great.