Tonight I Cried

Tonight I cried

Our experiences place burdens on us. We all walk similar paths, so why do we feel so alone? 

The poem concludes on an unfinished line. There are a lot of words that rhyme with cried - which is the correct one?

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The glass stands empty,

Its contents have long since dried,

Another refill feels too tempting,

And tonight? Tonight I cried,

Actions have consequences,

Not just for those you have wronged,

I feel numb, can't trust my senses,

What use is there to prolong?

People in glass houses

Should not lie, and although they try,

Their misdeeds are stacked in warehouses

threatening to fall, and tonight? Tonight I cried,

"What goes around comes around",

Karma has no use in this place,

Why waste time hoping they drown?

Move on, do not allow them a trace,

A number in a list, a line on the wrist

Covered meekly, why do we hide?

Something has to change, give the knife another twist,

And tonight? Tonight I cried,

Doubt creeps in and sets like concrete,

Discarded and used, left to rot outside

Like a piece of meat kicked to the street,

It's too much, and tonight? Tonight I-

Reviews

[Book Publisher on the M..]

I am going to be blunt and straightforward- This poem would never make it into a published atheology. However, along with the bad, comes the good and you have many wonderful references. "... and tonight I cried," is a powerful reference because it surfaces several times and ignites the reader's interest. This repetition is a classic example of a powerfully created poem. You have visually intoxicating references. However, as with anything, there are flaws...

"What goes around comes around." This is one of two phrases that are reiterated commonly in literature to stress ideological points. They are effective, but in this piece, you want to show some form of uniqueness. I encourage you to look for more unique formats with words that show your individualistic take on poetry. You frequently make references to ideas that have already been written about and covered. "What goes around comes around," is another example of literature that need not be repeated.It is not individualistic and poetry in this era is about making a unique stamp on people.

It is clear you have talent and I think you should continue to write. That is the only way you will be able to excel. You have a great deal of energy in this poem, and although, this is not a poem that will win awards; it is a poem that displays extremely good taste and talent. Do not give up. I can see that you poured yourself into your poems and in time- you will make it.

I wish you the best of luck.

Please take my thoughts as a critique and nothing more.

Kind Regards,

Max

[Con Campbell]

Thanks for the critique Max! I never take constructive criticism personally, as I know my work is far from "there"! Your comments are definitely useful and moving forward I'll try and be conscious of that unique element you mention. It isn't my express intention to be good enough to publish, but it is my intention to be the best writer I can be! Thanks again!

[Book Publisher on the Move!]

I encourage that and I would like to add that you do have talent

[Christy the Poetic Hear..]

" Actions have consequences " I hope that everyone could understand this and live according to it. The poem is well-written and the rhymes are perfect.
Wonderful work friend!!!

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Brilliant in mine eyes, whether its published or not i loved it and could relate to this well.
I especially loved the first verse and 4th last verse. thanks for entering this into my competition, good luck. loved the ending that was left open the reader can convey her or his own ending this way. What ending did you imagine. I imagined him drinking another glass and falling into deep sleep with dry tears on his cheek

[lordvile]

Awesome read. I can relate

[Eggplant]

Hello! I enjoy that you are getting other's opinions on how to help find the end of your poem. That is a great way to develop stories and get reader's attention. While this really got me in the mood, I feel like it would have been a better ending for your story if you would have just finished it, instead of making readers focusing on figuring out what the word is instead of reading your story and getting the meaning behind it. But, it is still good as it is. Rhyming is one of the toughest things you can do in a poem, and you did a pretty good job in doing this. Now to your story. This is a beautiful story, and it really embraces emotion. I have a friend who cuts herself, and the way you described it really brought tears to my eyes. I love how you didn't come out and just say "I took the knife and sliced through my skin", you described it like a movie. I really enjoyed this poem, and I am honestly starting to cry now it is so heartfelt. I am looking forward to reading more from you. Please stay in contact with me :)
-Lily

[Mari' Emeraude]

To me, this wonderful poem has regret strung throughout it and the repetitive cries that are trying to cope. Nice job.

[Pooja Chintamani]

A number in a list, a line on the wrist. The rhymes and meaning of twist I loved. It's magical flow of cries u explained in the drops of shining words. Pleasure to read you

[Coyote Poetry]

You have written powerful statements. Many can stand alone. You touched on many subjects. Each would open the door to a long discussion. A lot of old wisdom shared in the words. A lot of old wisdom is still true.
"People in glass houses
Should not lie, and although they try,
Their misdeeds are stacked in warehouses
threatening to fall, and tonight? Tonight I cried"
The above lines stole my thoughts. House built on sand. Won't with stand the storms of life. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry. You made me want to write.
Coyote

[49k_jdys]

This is a wonderful, beautiful poem. I can feel the heavy heart behind this piece. I loved the repetition, as it contributed to the meaning rather than detracting from it. Keep writing! You're rather talented!

[barleygirl]

This is excellent writing. The title drew me in & I liked the repetition (even tho I usually don't like a lot of meaningless repetition -- you did it with purpose). Your rhyming is solid & serves your message flow well. Most of all I like the probing, melancholy tone with a scattering of brighter points (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie