"The Game of Life"

Our life's a game

That has no name

We're all the same

Shall we begin?

Opening doors

As our mind soars

And it ignores

Screams from within

How our heart aches

Each time it breaks

And evil takes

Away our grin

When sun has set

Filled with regret

We can't forget

Our every sin

Running away

Everyday

Don't want to play

Games we can't win.

Reviews

[Kay/Hayden]

Immaculate rhyming the flow could use a bit of work though. The sentence "Shall we begin" could be taken out in my opinion as it interrupts the flow. "Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
-Kay

[Connie L. Kuntz]

thank you so much for your insight! I will definitely keep it in mind when revising.

[Haley]

Great rhyming, easy to identify with on some of these cold, gloomy nights. Well done.

[CLR9]

Didn't enjoy it. Too cliche.

[Delmar Cooper]

A brilliant young poet has said take out that line, she's probably right. Shall? But, I like that word - shall. "He will not save me; I shall drown." or "He shall not save me I shall drown." A meaningful difference. I like the sentence, "Shall we dance." Why not? Is the night not our own.?

I like your poem.

[barleygirl]

The writing style you use in this feels childlike, simply-stated, a bit one-dimensional -- the way a child might present a view of life as being black & white. Along with this, the storyline seems to devolve into a bit of a childish rant or refusal to play, illustrating in a subtle way that it's childish to fight it, becuz life turns out to be life & we must live it or give it up! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Dave Brown]

Time for a beer, to help distance that fear or possibly a tall gin to try and renew that grin, but those games, although they can be hard to win, they are not always a sin.
just sayin

[Crowley]

It sure can seem like a game, and depending on our frame of mind at the time will usually dictate the outcome as winner or loser. Rhyming is spot on and your point is one I can definitely identify with. Good job!