I had a dream

Where we made popsicles out of whiskey
And took to the streets singing dirty love songs
For some reason your hands are what I most remember
They were slender and strong and cold
The bits of reality
That I chose to savor
Can't compete
I want to build forts out of boxes and sword fight
In the middle of the bed
Yes I do spin around on chairs and roll down hills
I do play tricks and have an unhealthy addiction to ring pops
I do collect laughter around me like a fortress of happiness
Hoping somehow it will sink in
And I won't feel anymore
How my tongue has been broken
And my mind distorted
Maybe someday I won't have this urge
To drink away all the memories that have peeled me raw
And my feet will stop their need to run in any direction
To lose the sound of your voice
And the violent pull of your hand on my wrist

Reviews

[wunder]

~”Maybe someday I won't have this urge
To drink away all the memories that have peeled me raw
And my feet will stop their need to run in any direction
To lose the sound of your voice
And the violent pull of your hand on my wrist”~

~this entire piece reads so rich with realism-
and emotion-I think it’s gorgeous poetry~ :)

[thespaceinmybed]

Thank you very much!

[wunder]

~my pleasure~ :))

[MoriartyMesa]

And I won't feel anymore


And what would express this point of writing, loved the work.

[thespaceinmybed]

thanks for reading!

[WizardsAffliction]

The word "around" in the tenth stanza seems to disrupt your flow a bit. Maybe try a different word or rewriting the stanza itself? Aside from that, good imagery and well done! :D

[thespaceinmybed]

yes I see it now! you're very perceptive!

[WizardsAffliction]

Thanks! Merry tidings.

[Sami Khalil]

"I want to build forts out of boxes and sword fight
In the middle of the bed
Yes I do spin around on chairs and roll down hills
I do play tricks and have an unhealthy addiction to ring pops
I do collect laughter around me like a fortress of happiness"

Thank you for sharing this poem and dream...:)

[thespaceinmybed]

You're welcome! Thanks for reading!

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)

[annabellee]

This is a really good, heartfelt poem. Loved the way you presented your happy memories.
great write :)

[thespaceinmybed]

thank you very much

[annabellee]

you are most welcome :)

[Chris]

You had me smiling in the playful memories... of things I still do as well...till the end where the smile fell and went away and the sad eyes paused for a visit.

[thespaceinmybed]

sometimes the good memories cannot be separated from the bad

[Chris]

I soooo know that feeling...