Tip of the Tongue

I usually steer away from the more love orientated dark stuff, but everything is worth a try.

Cold now,
Rocks sitting,
At the bottom,
Of an empty chest.

An insufferable weight pulling down,
Stifling,
Suffocating,
Crushing, expanding.

Possessing.

But on the outside? Warmth.
Open, Friendly, Receptive,
Kind eyes give no clue to a yearning soul.
 
Taste,
The lingering scent,
Of the forbidden fruit,
Always at the tip of the tongue,
Never to be spoken.

Author's Note

Please be critical. :)

Reviews

[NightsShade]

It's been a long time since I've reviewed anything...
Anyways! The only critical things I would have to say it this:
In the second stanza you use the words 'insufferable' and 'suffocating'. Personally, I don't like the repetition of the 'suff' sound, especially since the words are so close together. In a sense, that disrupted the flow for me. I also have to agree about the commas. You use them so often that it makes each line feel disconnected from the one before and the one after. Try to use them at places where you would pause naturally while speaking.

[Matthew Smith]

Okay, me being critical would tell you this:

Ditch the commas where one line runs into another. "Kind eyes give no,/clue to a yearning soul."

Other than that, it's not bad. It's definitely not your best, but I don't really see a way of improving on it, but who knows?

[Alice In My Own Wonderl..]

This was awesome. Enough said. 100/100