Morning will Come

I'm new to the idea of sharing my writing. My fiances birth day is in a few days, and I've decided to write her something to convey her importance to me. I'm looking for constructive criticism.

I've always understood the phrase "Things get darkest just before dawn", however there is an unconscious divide between understanding and application. I was stumbling through a world void of light or direction. The darkness seemed to expand infinetly, and shrouded me like an unwelcome blanket. I was alone, or so i felt. Thinking myself damaged passed the point of reparations, i made comfort with the realization that the path intended for me was vacant and overwhelmingly under-traveled. I have family and a few people i call friends that helped keep this suffocating feeling of isolation from consuming me.  A human being is a social creature by design. Solitude, therefore, is cancerous to the soul. It begins to alter the way you think and act like some twisted marionette. Some call this a defense mechanism, i however see it as forfeiture of humanity. I was beginning to embrace this desolation as my new equilibrium. Brick by brick my wall was built as if by the hands of a skilled craftsman. Sturdy and unwavering it stood, ready to protect my ever weakening soul from would be scavengers. I was clinging to my last bastion of humanity. Cutting ties, burning bridges and severing my claims to positive human emotion became as natural as rationing food or time. I had lost faith in normal relationships, of which ended either with feelings of betrayal and remorse or by my own clouded misinterpretations, leading me to set fire to the bridge before they could  close enough ground to wound me. I began to concede that my universe was faulty, that the earth no longer orbited the sun, inevitably ensnaring me in an endless night with no promise of dawn. This is a plane of survival teeming with sleepless nights and endless mental chatter. Thus my existence went, trudging ever forward with hopes of greener pastures. 

February and my life to that point held many similarities. They were both cold, dark, gray and seemingly endless. Just a mere stepping stone to the promise of more hospitable environments. I had no way of knowing that this bleak month was concealing a lighthouse that would eventually guide me safely to harbor.

 

In she walked, initially unnoticed until my eyes caught movement in my periphery. My sight quickly shifted to what i assumed would be another meaningless encounter. My efforts to maintain some semblance of normalcy. My eyes locked on to her and hers to mine, i felt it and it was foreign and frightening. The universe i had created was trembling. The very fabric of my existence was fraying and i could not hold it a bay. This angel in red lipstick had just shook my core like a child does a snow-globe. I suppose what left me bewildered was the fact that she had just effected me when so many others have failed and she had yet to speak a word. It was not a gradual shift in my paradigm like i thought it would be. It was swift and unyielding and devastatingly effective. I could already feel the foundation of my fortress begin to crumble. A three second glance had begun to unravel years of self imposed segregation. As the distance between us closed my heart beat began to overtake the ambient noise and soon it was all i could hear. I suddenly found myself wishing she was on a treadmill that would keep her from reaching me until i recovered from this unexpected response. There she was, and although she was just in arms reach, i felt like she could have reached inside and touched my soul had she chosen to.  As introductions were made a friendly embrace ensued. This seemingly innocuous event was the catalyst to a chain of events that would change the very foundation upon which my life was built. Her arms wrapped around me and her cheek rested above my heart and an emensce feeling of relief and joy consumed me. I had been lost at sea for so long that hope had long since abandoned its post. It felt like a ship had just pulled up next to my slowly sinking raft and thrown me a ladder. Some say love at first sight is a myth, I do not disagree with this statement. Love is something that is built through trial. It grows as we do. Love only blossoms when you let someone in close enough to hurt you. That is where your true essence lies. That little secret space that you keep your quirks and imperfections tucked away from public eye. I will not say that it was love i felt for this woman, because i don't believe it was. However through countless human interactions i have never so much as been doubtful in my resolve. At this point i didn't know who she was or what she wanted, all i knew is that after many valiant attempts by good people to break down my wall, it still stood. Until an angel in red lipstick walked up and demolished it, like the tide to a sand castle. It wasn't love i felt for this person. It was sincere appreciation and adoration that filled me. She had done the impossible. I was thawing from the inside out. She was my beacon to safety, The hand extended to pull me from the abyss. As days progressed into weeks, and weeks to months, this appreciation began to mold into something i thought myself incapable of. The more i learned about her and the more i saw her interact with others the stronger this new found love grew. Slowly, much more slowly than myself, she began to reveal those intimate things that are hidden away close to our hearts. Things that make a person inherently unique. I was falling. I had felt as if i was falling before but i could only speculate if that was indeed how it should feel. Stephanie left me with a feeling that was so real and powerful that i had no need to question it. To know, to be shown, that you are not a broken human. That your worth is not tarnished and that your presence is appreciated. I believe that's the best gift a solitary human being can be granted. There is a divide between understanding and application. Sometimes it takes another being to apply it for you to truly understand it. I understand now. She was my "Dawn".

Author's Note

Not a finished product. Looking for help to craft it into something she deserves.

Reviews

[Wintershade]

This is lovely. It is clear how much you love her and how much you want to show her that love. Your ability to express your feelings is irrefutable, regardless of being new to sharing your work. The work speaks for itself. It is a truly romantic and wonderfully, sweet sentiment and it is well-constructed.
Having said that my one criticism would be that at times, particularly in the last paragraph, you sound a bit like you are pontificating. It seems a bit more like a philosophical treatise on love, rather than a declaration OF love. I hope I am making that clear...
Might you consider framing your feelings as a letter or a conversation, within the story? Or perhaps a dream within the story, using analogy as representations of your feelings? Just some ideas. You're definitely on the right track, and I have NO doubt in my mind that regardless of which direction you take this in, or what the finished product looks like, she will adore it and appreciate the love you're showing. I hope you both have a wonderful Birthday celebration for her!