The Girl In The Mirror

I never wanted her. I wish I could erase her from my life. She is,and always will be, the girl in the mirror.

I don’t remember when I met her. Sixth grade? Eight grade? Or was it yesterday? I don’t remember. All I know is, she has been there ever since I could remember. I look upon her as I would look upon something vulgar or uncouth. She vanishes whenever I’m happy, but always looks for a way to bring me down.
  She is the girl in the mirror and I’m looking at her right now. She is, and always has been, the reflection of me.
 
If I tried, I could bring back a few happy memories of her and me being close. When she was a friend instead of an enemy, a comforter rather than a tormentor. When I sung to her, and whispered to her about my first real crush.
And then I remember high school, and how she showed for me what I really was- a skimpy, confused teenager. Where there should’ve been friends, there was emptiness. Where there should have been the first hint of womanly curves, there was a plain stretch of skin. Where there should’ve been love, there was loneliness. And everyday, she made sure to remind me of it. She tormented me, she tore me, and she ripped me apart from limb to limb until I finally succumbed into self loathing.
  I loathed the girl in the mirror. In my mind, I condemned her to revile. I hated her, because she taught me to hate myself.
 
 
Why are human beings so apt at making hell? They know their miseries best, so why inflict them upon you? Happiness, I’ve learnt, is a gift not many posses. Obtaining it, I think, is even harder.
 
And I remember meeting him. I remember telling her that I’m not as worthless as she made me feel. After a long time, I was happy, and she wasn’t there anymore. But two weeks later, when I returned home crying, all I could do was to hide myself in shame and hatred as she gleamed with pleasure. He said he loved me, but he didn’t. He didn’t love me. He wanted me to be prettier, to be smarter to fit into his league, but he didn’t love me. Maybe, maybe I was good for his ego. Maybe I made him feel better about his miserable life. But he hadn’t loved me. Because you don’t destroy the people you love.
  I was broken, I thought, beyond repair. I was like a spool of thread- tangled and confused about where I fit. All I was was thread and needles, and I needed somebody to weave me back together.
  And then there was her. Not the girl in the mirror, but someone else. She taught me what I deserved; she made me feel like I finally fit in somewhere. She enclosed me in her arms and whispered my fear away, two ivory heads bent together as one. It was the happiest that I had ever felt. And then a fleeting memory of my mother shouting at me flitted across my mind. She took the side of the girl in the mirror; she said I was a disgrace. That I should be chastised for practicing something that was not reprimanded. That I was wrong for liking someone who shared my gender. And I remember moving away, after kissing her tears goodbye. Never in my life and I thought that I would ever make a girl cry, but I did. And most importantly, I had made my girl cry.
 And that is all I see, all I feel when I look into the mirror. The shame, the agony, the pain.
  I wish I could be happy. I truly do, but pain, I feel, is vital for me. It has shaped my life, perhaps harshly, but it has taught me what I am. Sometimes I crave for it. I need it to reassure myself that I can still feel. My life, you see, has been wrought by pain. It’s based on it. Not based on happiness. Because happiness is deceptive. Oh, I’m sure we have all felt the pleasures. But that true, deeply intense and perpetual feeling of happiness does not come often. Pain, on the other hand is always true- it is raw and real and we feel it so sharply. And if called upon, it is always there like a true friend, if you only look hard enough. And it is good; feeling the pain means you have still got something to lose.
 
                                       

Reviews

[christina]

This story is very meaningful and I think you've done a great job writing it.

[one sky]

This story has given me different reactions...

Sometimes we can see ourselves to others. When we look at them, we see how cruel they are...their negative aspects. But sometimes we have to even look at ourselves in the mirror, so we can find that there's nothing different from us.

Here, the voice tells that a friend never made her feel she's beautiful, good or happy. That friend is happy with the opposite things she get whenever she wanted them. That friend who wanted her to be lonely....that PAIN...which never leaves you.

"And it is good; feeling the pain means you have still got something to lose."---Pain is so natural. We are humans...bound to feel different emotions. Good that even in pain, we still can stand and walk...and live!

[Skye]

Exactly. Thank you so much for reading!

[Michelle A.]

In this story the speaker reveals that her life is mostly filled with pain. She longs for happiness and pleasure, that she finds temporarily, but it was not real. She does not accept herself or embrace her life just as it is. She wants more. She wants those things that she feels that she deserves but doesn’t have. To add to this misery, she is not accepted by the people who mean the most to her. In search of happiness she engaged in a behavior that she was not proud of nor did she truly want. Amidst all, she has accepted that pain is a natural part of life.