non compos mentis

realization hit me like an axe in the chest,
(i want to be smaller)
just moments ago.
(i want to have a baby)
i am one of those people;
(i want to bleed my body dry)
the kind that most would dub psychotic,
(i want to write until my fingers fall off)
non compos mentis.
(i want to move to Bari, tomorrow morn,)
hopelessness manifested in mien and action.
(with you by my side)
it shifts into a state of pure ecstasy for all life,
(and not a dime to my name)
within a single blink;
(i want to die in a massive explosion)
without catalyst.
(i want to feel alive)
control has no existence in my mind.
(i need to know what is real)
i am but a dream, but i stand wide awake and seeing.
(surely, i am not truly this mad..)