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A Poem by Nicole

My mind is becoming somewhat of a black hole. Taking in endless amounts of information, only to spin it all into an abyss of nothingness.

Darkness.

I cannot retain this information anymore. It all seems meaningless.

In all honesty, writing these words down is one of the hardest things I've done in a while, but nonetheless I proceed..

As I was saying, my thoughts seem to all be jumbled together. Somewhat of an unorganized filing system in a rundown office where the company is days away from going under. Chaos, to say the least. Every inch of my brain is scrambling. Frantically searching for any last bit of useful knowledge that can be retained, and used to save myself from, well, myself.

I've noticed lately that the things I say are making little to no sense at all. My mouth is boundlessly spewing words that don't form together in coherent sentences. I am stuttering my speech, and a language once so familiar is now becoming a foreign tongue.

I want so badly to escape myself, to free my thoughts, to make sense of it all. I have been trying to do this for a very long time. I have desired more than anything to reach into my cerebrum and pull out something, anything able to help in the slightest. To take my hectic intellect on somewhat of a vacation. Where the breeze is cool but the sun is warm, the waves from the coast rolling up on your sandy toes as it hits the beach. Palm trees surrounding a somewhat secluded area where you sit alone watching the sunset fade into a beautiful starry night. Complete, unadulterated peace.

I continue to scatter through those same cluttered filing cabinets searching for the solution. Fearing that soon I will no longer be sane enough to continue, fearing that my constant foreboding will prove to be true. I am nothing but a certifiable-psycho, a deranged soul lost in the depths of her own foolish skull. A failed attempt at a succession in taking something utterly manic, and turning it into something calm, orderly, and conclusively sane.