Waking up

Endless emptiness of my heart.
Filled with parasites.
Be it fear be it doubt,
Be it sadness or misery.
I see no difference,
For they are all dark entities.
Entitled to keep our heart pressed under a rock,
Hidden from freedom.
For freedom is their weakness.
It is a radiant sun that burns their skin and blinds their eyes.
It weakens them whilst giving a beacon of light for hope.
So that she might come,
Let us embrace it ,
Allow it exorcise the fiends.
From both our hearts and minds.
So we no longer fret from tomorrow,
With grim thoughts killing our joy,
But now before us,
As we wake up,
Appears our bright future.

Author's Note

Critiques are extremely welcome.

Reviews

[Scrap]

The last line sounds like sarcasm....

Fate

Destiny

What's the hip term used often nowadays? Oh yeah....wake up, new day? 'Whatever!'

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

Yeah I've noticed that while re reading it one last time before releasing it but was like: Eh it's too hard to make it not sound like sarcasm when it's so cheesy.

[Scrap]

Sometimes Im scared to wake up.

I got really anxious Reading this. My breathing got faster. Mustve touched me in a way i didn't expect. So great!

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

Yeah we all have those days and apologies for inappropriate touching.

[Krizito]

The fears we have vanishes when we choose to be free...freedom,it should be our dream..great job, nice words, liked it.

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

Yey I guess im moving in the right direction.

[Krizito]

Couldn't put it better myself..

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

Oh you flattery devil you.

[Scheherazade]

I'm not much of a poet myself (prose is more my thing) but the language you use is quite evocative and I like the general tone and atmosphere you create. What I would recommend is you try to incorporate more variety of imagery through use of metaphor etc. Visually, around the middle some of the lines seem to stick out from the rest of the poem as a little too long. But other than that, I quite enjoyed it.

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

Heh thanks and yeah i noticed that too,that some lines just go on for too long. Gonna try and improve in my future works.



I promise nothing cause I'm extremely lazy.

[Scheherazade]

Haha yeah i can relate as I'm also really lazy. Even when it comes to writing I have trouble getting started once I do, I'm good though.

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

I always find it the easiest to just write buncho unconnected stuff that seem interesting and then i pick those that can be strung together before starting to write the actual story/poem. Well i do suck at writing stories but gonna make sure to improve in that.
Might read some of yours in addition to some guidelines i got from some awesome people from this site to actually write something not cringe worthy. Oh and i have this awful urge to write overlong comments.

[Scheherazade]

It's ok. I don't mind overlong comments and man I wish I could work like that but see I'm a perfectionist and so I have to plan and have some idea of what I'm going to be writing before I write. That's probably why I always have trouble getting started. Part of me is daunted by my own high expectations of myself. But it would be awesome if you could read some of my stuff! It would make me incredibly happy.

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

Hehe yeah understandable I'm extremely unfocused so whenever i write a story it seems too incomplete,tho im currently translating a 15 page one i wrote a year ago for grammar class, so it helps when i read others writing specially when it comes to starting a story cause i suck at that.

[Scheherazade]

The beginning is always the hardest. Translation sounds interesting. Good luck with it. I'm sure it'll turn out great.

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

Heh thanks good luck with whatever you are doing

[Scheherazade]

Thanks. I appreciate the thought.