Resolutions.

My New Years Resolution:

2013 was a whirlwind.  It swept me up and spun me around, made me dizzy and disoriented until I didn't know who or where I was anymore.  I lost myself in booze and false romances, threw myself into doomed situations and placed no blame or fault on anything but luck.  The truth is I lost who I wanted to be and rested who I was on resentment and falsities.  I became comforted by drowning and suffocating myself into a grave of denial and dismissal and that's no longer how I want to be.

It's funny how a certain day and man-made tradition leaves you inclined to reflect, celebrate, mourn and analyze your actions and experiences in the previous year.  The air is filled with hopes of pushing yourself, bettering your being and projecting yourself to the world in the way you want, or in some cases, feel you should.

I've never been one for resolution;  It could be because of my ability to dismiss, excuse and glaze over certain things, or the way I rationalize and rearrange things in my mind.  I've always found myself fighting the constant battle between working towards a goal or spending my time focusing and accepting how things are in the present. 

This year seems like a good point to switch it up.  I want to take the steps to actually be who I've fooled myself into thinking I am.  I'm not going to set specific goals (lose 20 pounds by may, give up smoking or land my dream job), but I do have a few resolutions.  I resolve to never mistake lust or common interest for love, potential love, or something more than what it is.  I will let go of expectations without creating new ones, embrace the moment and revolt against anxieties.  I will push myself out of my comfort zone to try new things, just for the experience (even if it's horrible, hey! At least it makes a story).  I will be who I am by trusting my instincts and my heart over logic, booze, or external opinions because I am me.  My consciousness creates my future and if I'm reliving in the past, this cycle repeats. Old habits die hard, they say.

2014 is a new year, I resolve that it will mean the same for me.

Reviews

[ashebye]

This article was well written. I can relate with mistaking lust for love and letting alcohol make decisions for me. That's the life I lived two years ago until I met the love of my life. I hope 2014 brings good things for you!