Bad feelings

Almost in painful suspense, i could hear you - sigh after sigh after sigh, and i was anxious again. The mug of dark-coffee in front of you sheltered the heat that was sapping the temper away & i tried to reach you, intertwine your fingers with mine and ask you, oh so gently, maybe almost whispering, to never go there again. “I have a bad feeling about this", i said instead. But you never replied. You just sighed and i found it painfully comfortable, because i wasn't expecting anything else. Meanwhile, it seemed as if everyone in the cafeteria dissolved along with the steam and left us alone with each other. I felt tempted to share a nice, cozy quote with you for us to ramble restlessly about, or maybe to just keep quiet while listening to your breaths, wondering about their flavour against the tip of my lips. I’ve always seen this scene in my dreams, where i'm a summer flower that's blooming in your hand. But in real life, i'm not a flower and it's neither summer. So i kept anxious and caged in your sighing trap. I had a bad feeling about that but we stayed in there forever.

Author's Note

i'm not fluent in english

Reviews

[Tree]

I thought this was very well expressed. You have captured a moment between two people, and a sad and serene ambiance. The cafeteria, the noise... And the connection/ and loss of connection. Well done. Your effort to express yourself in English is not in vain..

[Jéssica Fernandes]

thank you very much, really. it's always nice to know that!

[An owl on the moon]

There seems to be such a beautiful, haunting pain in your reflections that are so powerfully voiced, so intimate and profound. It is almost as if you've invited us all to view the delicate suffering of your souls. So well written.

[Viccy Rogers]

Good job! This is full of emotion and is really well-written. Overall a good read! It may be easier to read if you split it up into paragraphs? Other than that, the vocabulary is excellent and you paint a really vivid image into the reader's mind. Well donee:) Especially if you aren't fluent in English, you wouldn't be able to tell if you hadn't mentioned it yourself in all honesty, because it was very well constructed and there were few errors that were noticeable when skimming through the story.

[Chris]

I disagree with your perception of your own fluency... I listened to those words and the phrases and the underlying thoughts. And would again.

[Jéssica Fernandes]

really? that's good to know! yet, it takes me a big amount of effort to write in english - and i'm not always sure if i'm doing it right or not.

[Chris]

no one says writing is easy - in ANY language... But your thoughts flowed with care and depth and were worth being heard.

[Jéssica Fernandes]

of course, and I never said it was. and by effort I mean.. to write in english it's just not as natural as it would be in my mother tongue. it takes me a lot more of time, reading a rereading over and over again, trying to spot eventual errors and incoherences. so I always feel uncertain about the final work.

[Chris]

I've known native English speakers that were without your clarity and understandings of the shades of meanings.

[For Him and His Story]

not bad. it's simple, yet i see passion in it. i'm seeing the effort. not bad, for a person who says she's not fluent in english. kudos for such a courageous act. press on.

[Jéssica Fernandes]

thank you for your review :)

[Saint_Mario]

Cool ideas. Some interesting paintings with words.
"... I'm a summer flower blooming in your hand." — I thought that was genuine innocent sweetness right there. I liked that.
Keep practicing. Keep writing.

[Jéssica Fernandes]

thank you for such an admiring review!