Chapter 1 the man in black

     Once there was a young man, his name was Poor.  He had very little money. He had lost his parents so he has no family members but there is a girl he has a crush on and she found out about him and said hey are you homeless and he said yes and the girls name was Bridjet she was the most popular girl in school but she was very poor so she didnt go to places like Los Vegas or Massachusetts but he didnt care he just wanted a home

but the had so much fun together and turns out the girl died from being to energetic. His parents were murdered because they couldnt pay the morgage that month so the parents were foursed to move out and the parents wouldnt so a man dressed in all black said soney dont look and block your ears and he shot my parents and said your comin with me so i went with him and he had a gun up to my face and out of nowhere a guy shot him in the face and took the boy      

Reviews

[Wendy Seames Garner]

A nice story, Cody, but you have a few problems; some run-on sentences, you need punctuation, and I think part of this page belongs in the next chapter: "so he has no family members" and "she found out about him and said hey are you homeless and he said yes" and "but the had so much fun together and turns out the girl died from being to energetic." The most important thing in being a good writer is to edit, edit, edit. When we are writing, our mind moves faster than our fingers to write it all down, and when we read it back, we often read what is in our mind rather than what is actually written down.
Try this:
Once there was a young man, his name was Poor. He had very little money. There was a girl he had a crush on. Her name was Bridget, and she was the most popular girl in school. She was very poor, she couldn't go to places like Las Vegas or Massachusetts, but he didn't care.

His parents couldn't pay the rent, and were being forced to move. A man, dressed all in black, came saying, "Don't look sonny, and block your ears." Then he shot Poor's parents. Holding a gun up to Poor's face, he said, "You're comin' with me." Out of nowhere a guy shot him in the face and took the boy.

[timothy]

lovley cody you haave to invite me over cousin because you are awsomer at making poemsyou have to share with me next time we meet

[AK]

Very nice chapter! Though a little editing will make it even better!

[Dominique]

It is amazing.

[Dominique]

It was.

[Dominique]

Wow. Heavy. Some minor things you should know, Punctuation is your friend. It will help add emphsis. You also have a few minor spelling issues but Do not trust me on that. Ones should be Once, Umm... I don't really know how to spell sonney so I can't help you there. With the word but, I have been told that you are not suposed to use it in the begining of a sentance. Other than that, I liked it.

[cody mclaughlin]

tell me is it good

[cody mclaughlin]

this is my first book i made not that good i soopose